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Band 7.5

Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so populations in the countryside are decreasing. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so populations in the countryside are decreasing. Is
this
 a positive or negative development? One of the most prevalent trends in the contemporary world is the cumulative increase in population attraction towards metropolitan places which results in a decrease of people in rural areas. In my view, it is a negative step taken by society.
This
 stance will be proven by carefully analysing why it is not beneficial for the nation.
Firstly
, the main factor is the extra burden on the existing infrastructure. Another reason is that we need more facilities to develop for the residents, more houses with reasonable prices and toilets.
For example
, developing an old downtown requires a proper plan to develop hospitals, transport systems and shopping centres. Sometimes it becomes very difficult to provide these facilities because the old structure is not compatible with new developments.
As a result
, it is evident that
due to
 the lack of amenities humans should not move to the cities.
Secondly
, the primary factor is that if the population increases pollution levels increase, which pollutes the area because folks use their motor vehicles, and these wagons emit harmful gases into the atmosphere.
In addition
, the crime rate is increasing in the municipality.
For instance
, if more gents migrate from villages to the capitals, it may increase crime
as a result
, the Administration hires more security guards.
As a consequence
, it is apparent why the movement of citizens from remote areas is not in favour of the locals. In conclusion, following the analysis of the above topics,
it is clear that
 cities are crowded and crime rates
also
 increased.
However
, the administration should provide jobs and facilities in the villages, so they can earn money near their residents.
Further
, it is predicted that
this
 trend of moving residents will continue in the future as well.
Submitted by rbtech65 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear structure in your essay, but it can be improved by making smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Use topic sentences to introduce the main point of each paragraph, followed by specific examples or further explanation to support it.
Task Achievement
Although you addressed the task, further development of your ideas and more specific examples would enhance your task response score. Try to elaborate on your points and provide concrete examples to support your arguments.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your essay, include a more balanced view by considering both positive and negative aspects of the issue, even if you have a clear stance. This will demonstrate your ability to engage with the topic comprehensively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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