The government should reduce the amount of money spent on local environmental problems and instead increase funding into urgent and more threatening issues such as global warming. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is apodictic that
due to
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the advancements in technology and human activities,
these
Correct your spelling
there
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has been a tremendous rise in global temperature.
Thats
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That's
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why many folks advocate that the authorities ought to issue more money to address these
issues
Use synonyms
instead
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of looking after
city
Correct article usage
the city
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surrounding.
However
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, I think that a balanced approach for both should be adopted for the betterment of people and
earth
Correct article usage
the earth
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. To Commence with, local area troubles like cutting down
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trees for the construction of big buildings,
making
Correct word choice
and making
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transportation easy
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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been directly linked with global warming.
Besides
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that, human activities like
use
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the use
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of pesticides, are damaging the environment which leads to water and land pollution as well.
Thus
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, if authorities
will
Verb problem
apply
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overlook
such
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issues
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,
than
Replace the word
then
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they cannot stop the root causes of
rise
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the rise
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in climate change.
For example
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; cutting down
of
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apply
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trees, results in an increase
of
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in
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carbondioxide
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carbon dioxide
amounts in
environment
Add an article
an environment
the environment
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which leads to weather
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
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.
Hence
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, authorities should have to reserve funds to aware people and to plant more trees and try to reduce pollution by banning pesticides and reducing the use of motor vehicles.
However
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,
serious
Correct article usage
the serious
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consequences of global warming can not be overlooked
due to
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its wider and more immediate impacts on the entire planet.
Moreover
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, investing in global
issues
Use synonyms
provides a better return on investment than local problems. The officials that are facing
on
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apply
show examples
global
issues
Use synonyms
like weather change could lead to innovative solutions that would benefit the city areas indirectly.
For instance
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; if more resources are used to decrease
rise
Add an article
the rise
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in temperature it would save the ozone layer which is a life protector for the living beings on
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
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.
Consequently
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, there will be
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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skin related
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skin-related
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diseases.
Thus
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, funding for serious global problems is
also
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a need of an hour.
To Conclude
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, a balanced approach towards funding both global and local environmental initiatives is necessary to maximize positive impacts. Solutions should be holistic, addressing both local and global scales to be more effective and
intesconnected
Correct your spelling
interconnected
with each other.
Submitted by bawanpreet070 on

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Structure
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Logical Structure
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Cohesion
Use more varied cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, synonyms) to improve the flow of your essay.
Task Response
Respond fully to the task by presenting a balanced view on the issue. Your response is adequate, but incorporating more specific examples could strengthen your argument.
Grammar and Accuracy
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Examples
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urgent issues
  • global warming
  • local environmental problems
  • funding
  • redirecting funds
  • broader environmental health
  • financial efficiency
  • return on investment
  • cost-effective
  • holistic approach
  • moral and ethical considerations
  • resource allocation
  • long-term consequences
  • short-term impacts
  • competing environmental concerns
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