IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however, say that cooperation and team working skills are more important. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

#people #children #school #cooperation #team #skills #argument
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Although
 some
people
 believe that
students
 ought to learn to compete at
school
.
However
, many
people
 think
team working
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
skills
 are crucial.
This
 essay will discuss both
view
Correct subject-verb agreement
views
show examples
 ideas and
state
Fix the agreement mistake
states
show examples
. In my opinion, both views are important but I tend to agree that
students
' cooperation and
team
 working
skills
 in
school
 because it is helpful for them in the
future
 and their social lives. On the one hand,
people
 think
children
 should compete in
school
 and it is important they are taught to be competitive at
school
.
In other words
,
students
 should learn and study to compete with other
children
 because it may be useful and helpful for them and they will study better and motivate them to learn their studies or tasks and win a prize at
school
.
Moreover
, when
children
 are taught to be competitive in
school
, they might become successful at work and their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in the
future
. Including, self-employed, job marketing,
individual
Correct word choice
and individual
show examples
 sports.
On the other hand
, many
people
 say
students
 ought to be taught
team
 working
skills
 with each other and I agree with
this
 idea because
children
 should learn and practice
team
 working
skills
 when they are
students
 and it is helpful for them in the
future
. In my opinion, the government must force schools to teach
children
 teamwork and it
is
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
 useful for them in the
future
. In
this
 case, their social life and relationship with other
people
 and
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 how to communicate and work with
people
 and colleagues at work and their life. In conclusion, in my opinion, it would be better for
students
 to practice and develop
team working
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
skills
 in
school
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your essay, focus on developing more concrete and varied examples to support your arguments. Incorporating specific examples and evidence makes your points more persuasive and engaging.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your arguments progress in a coherent manner. Using transition words effectively can also help improve the flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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