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Band 3

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.

#plans #show #park #first
The pictures compare the development of Grange Park in 1920 to
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
 times.
Overall
, there are dramatic changes
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
area
 throughout the time period. It has gone from public facilities to commercial
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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.
Additonally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, in the middle of the
area
 in
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 time, there was a fountain which had
removed
Add a missing verb
been removed
show examples
 and changed to
rose
Correct article usage
a rose
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 garden
surrounding
Wrong verb form
surrounded
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
Correct article usage
a benchs
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benchs
Correct your spelling
benches
bench
.
Moreover
, in the southeast, the glasshouse
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 replaced with
water
Correct article usage
a water
show examples
 feature. In the Northeast, the rose plants and
pond
Fix the agreement mistake
ponds
show examples
 for water plants were converted to
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
show examples
 and children's play
garden
Fix the agreement mistake
gardens
show examples
. The seats in
most
Correct your spelling
almost
show examples
 every corner had cleared.
Furthermore
, from the South entrance,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the left, there was a rose garden but now it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 cleared.
Also
, the stage for musicians had
reconstructured
Add a missing verb
been reconstructured
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 be Amphitheatre for concerts which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 increased in size.
Although
 those are many evolutions, there is a field still
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
.
For example
, the rose
area
 next to the theatre
still
Add a missing verb
is still
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 throughout the times.
Submitted by innezgracias on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your essay, consider organizing your ideas more clearly. Start by introducing the topic and overview, followed by separate paragraphs for each time period or type of change. Using clear transition words ('However', 'In addition', 'Furthermore') between paragraphs will help guide the reader through your essay more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce your essay with a clearer overview of the main changes that have occurred in Grange Park. Conclude your essay by summarizing the major developments and perhaps reflecting on the impact these changes have had. This will provide a more satisfying structure for your reader.
Task Achievement
To increase your score in task achievement, make sure that your essay comprehensively covers all key features and changes that the diagrams illustrate. While you have mentioned several changes, a more detailed comparison highlighting all significant developments would enrich your response. Consider using a range of vocabulary to describe the changes, such as 'transformed', 'renovated', or 'modified', to add depth to your analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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