Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest tax-payers money in healthcare, while others believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

#people #governments #tax-payers #money #healthcare #areas #points

Some argue money from taxes should go to

healthcare

while

others would rather it be spent on other sectors of the

economy

. I personally think

government

spending on

healthcare

is as essential as on other areas. There are certainly many areas of the

economy

where

government

investment would be pragmatic, and one

such

sector is transportation. Transportation is an important catalyst behind economic development. Having improved road infrastructure and air traffic through

government

funding – paid for by taxpayers –

governments

can facilitate increased trade. Greater exchange of goods and services, in turn, leads to a dynamic

economy

Similarly

, spending on security cannot be overstated in today’s politically unstable world. With growing tensions between countries like Russia and Ukraine and Israel and Palestine

as well as

increasing

Add an article

the increasing

show examples

crime

rate

Fix the agreement mistake

rates

show examples

ever-spwarling

Correct your spelling

ever-sparkling

ever-sprawling

cities, investment in both internal and external security is critical to

maintain

Change the verb form

maintaining

show examples

peace, which is essential to citizens’

overall

wellbeing

Correct your spelling

well-being

show examples

and productivity

along with

their immediate safety. Just as important is

government

spending on

healthcare

. It is sensible for

governments

to invest in

healthcare

seeing as the

overall

health of a country is another strong predictor of its economic development. More precisely, a healthy population means a healthy workforce, which drives productivity and high economic output in turn.

Furthermore

, countries wishing to raise their happiness index

also

would find

healthcare

a worthy investment. Having made

healthcare

accessible and affordable through state subsidies,

governments

can provide

Remove the article

apply

show examples

relief to sick-ridden people, which would ultimately contribute to their contentment. An economic boost and a happy nation, in turn, make for a successful country. In conclusion, no one sector of the

economy

is less important than the other as they all have a part in driving a

nation

Change noun form

nation's

show examples

successful

Replace the word

success

show examples

Hence

, I reckon that it is only prudent if

governments

invest equally in all these sectors.

Submitted by ina1_95 on Thu Mar 14 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure a clear introduction that outlines the key points that will be discussed. While your introduction is present, clarifying the structure of your argument at the beginning can help guide the reader.

Task Achievement

Provide a balanced discussion of both views before concluding with your own perspective. Your essay leans more towards supporting investment in healthcare, which could be balanced with more development of counterarguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

Utilize a range of linking words and phrases to enhance coherence. While your essay has logical flow, varying your connectives could improve readability and cohesion.

Coherence and Cohesion

Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic flexibility and enhance the overall readability of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

303 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest tax-payers money in healthcare, while others believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

some people think that government should take care of diet of all individuals of country , others think that people should themselves take care of diet and health, discuss both views and give your opinion

Many people argue that restaurants should be required to disclose the nutritional information of the dishes they serve. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that celebrities deserve more privacy than they have. Do you agree?

Global warming is one of the most serious issues that the world is facing to day. What are the causes of global warming and measures can goverments and individuals take to tackle the issue