Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest tax-payers money in healthcare, while others believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some argue money from taxes should go to
healthcare
while
others would rather it be spent on other sectors of the
economy
. I personally think
government
spending on
healthcare
is as essential as on other areas. There are certainly many areas of the
economy
where
government
investment would be pragmatic, and one
such
sector is transportation. Transportation is an important catalyst behind economic development. Having improved road infrastructure and air traffic through
government
funding – paid for by taxpayers –
governments
can facilitate increased trade. Greater exchange of goods and services, in turn, leads to a dynamic
economy
.
Similarly
, spending on security cannot be overstated in today’s politically unstable world. With growing tensions between countries like Russia and Ukraine and Israel and Palestine
as well as
increasing
Add an article
the increasing
show examples
crime
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
in
ever-spwarling
Correct your spelling
ever-sparkling
ever-sprawling
cities, investment in both internal and external security is critical to
maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
show examples
peace, which is essential to citizens’
overall
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
and productivity
along with
their immediate safety. Just as important is
government
spending on
healthcare
. It is sensible for
governments
to invest in
healthcare
seeing as the
overall
health of a country is another strong predictor of its economic development. More precisely, a healthy population means a healthy workforce, which drives productivity and high economic output in turn.
Furthermore
, countries wishing to raise their happiness index
also
would find
healthcare
a worthy investment. Having made
healthcare
accessible and affordable through state subsidies,
governments
can provide
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
relief to sick-ridden people, which would ultimately contribute to their contentment. An economic boost and a happy nation, in turn, make for a successful country. In conclusion, no one sector of the
economy
is less important than the other as they all have a part in driving a
nation
Change noun form
nation's
show examples
successful
Replace the word
success
show examples
.
Hence
, I reckon that it is only prudent if
governments
invest equally in all these sectors.
Submitted by ina1_95 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure a clear introduction that outlines the key points that will be discussed. While your introduction is present, clarifying the structure of your argument at the beginning can help guide the reader.
Task Achievement
Provide a balanced discussion of both views before concluding with your own perspective. Your essay leans more towards supporting investment in healthcare, which could be balanced with more development of counterarguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Utilize a range of linking words and phrases to enhance coherence. While your essay has logical flow, varying your connectives could improve readability and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic flexibility and enhance the overall readability of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: