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Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays,many old cities are rebuilt and redesigned (with older buildings knocked down) in order to look modern.Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this practice.

#cities #buildings #practice
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Remodeling or rebuilding is considered to be an uprising trend in the present time, especially among the new generations. I will explore the pros and cons of
this
 trend as precisely as possible in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, it is clearly seen that the advantages of rebuilding are
due to
 several factors.
Firstly
, many people, in terms of reconstruction, would be more likely to gain financial benefits. The planning of reconstruction gives
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
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 and owners the opportunity to make more money.
Likewise
, the nearby up-to-date
buildings
 would be more likely to be crowded and splendid. That's why people welcome renovation or remodeling.
On the other hand
,
remodeling
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remodelling
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 or rebuilding means
disappear
Wrong verb form
disappearing
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 our old history.
Buildings
 have their own story, like humans, but they would vanish suddenly. It means we lost our precious story with the
buildings
.
Moreover
, the other matter is environmental. If it
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 always been under construction for making new cities, it would generate tons of trash and air pollution. Thereby, there is an increasing number of pollutants. It would be harmful to
our
Change the word
the
show examples
 next generation. In conclusion, balancing between old and new is mostly significant for our sustainable lives. If there is something that needs to be refined, we have to take into consideration
remodeling
Change the spelling
remodelling
show examples
 or rebuilding, taking into account the side effects of
remodeling
Change the spelling
remodelling
show examples
buildings
.
Submitted by enoklee on

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your essay's direction to immediately showcase your understanding of the task. Provide a more distinct thesis statement that outlines the advantages and disadvantages you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity, work on linking your arguments with clearer transitional phrases that bridge your ideas smoothly from one to the next. This will help in creating a more cohesive argument and improve the reader's understanding.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your main points. Real-world examples or historical references could provide concrete evidence to support your arguments and make them more convincing to the reader.
coherence cohesion
While discussing both viewpoints, strive to maintain a balanced approach throughout your essay without leaning towards one opinion unless the question specifically asks you to do so. This will demonstrate your ability to objectively analyze the topic.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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