IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
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 believe that high school programmes should require unpaid community services,
such
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 as enhancing the
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
show examples
 or helping younger children with sports.
Although
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 some
people
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 argue that unpaid labour is unfair, I strongly believe that the experience young
people
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gain
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 through community service greatly overshadows the drawbacks.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 are against unpaid work because it seems unjust. Indeed, working several hours without any sort of financial compensation can be demotivating and overwhelming because
people
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 are not being rewarded for their efforts. In Sudan, high school
students
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 are often compelled to do volunteer work.
However
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, the majority of
students
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 despise
this
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 idea because they would rather spend time studying
instead
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.
Besides
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, without any financial
gain
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,
students
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 think that it is extremely unfair and having to balance both volunteering and studying for exams is a hassle.
While
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 I do agree that having no financial
gain
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 might be disappointing, the knowledge that
students
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 receive remains valuable.
That is
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 to say,
such
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 jobs foster a sense of accomplishment and offer many insights that can contribute
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people’s
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to people’s
show examples
 success.
For instance
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, many reputable doctors once worked as teachers for the sole purpose of creating a better portfolio.
Although
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 they did not receive any remuneration, they were able to develop a better understanding of many topics through their teaching job.
This
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 example speaks volumes about how youngsters should partake in unpaid community services simply to learn.
To conclude
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,
while
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 an unpaid service can be a hassle and might seem unjust, the financial drawbacks are eclipsed by the benefits
due to
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 the immense knowledge
students
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 can
gain
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.

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task achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples to support your points. While you reference doctors, including specific scenarios or more examples can strengthen your essay further.
coherence and cohesion
Work on enhancing the flow of your arguments. Some transitions between ideas could be smoother, helping the reader follow your reasoning more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion by reiterating your main arguments clearly, ensuring they encapsulate your stance and provide a strong final impression.
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the tone for the essay and clearly states your position.
content
The main points discussed are relevant and contribute well to the argument for community service.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
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