Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. What may be the root cause of this behavior? Discuss the reasons and possible results.

#men #women #money #beauty #care #was #root #behavior #results

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In recent years, we have found out that men and women spend a fortune on cosmetics unlike in the past. In

this

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essay

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essay,

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will discuss the

trigers

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triggers

this

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behavior

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behaviour

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and the possible results. Back

then

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, beauty care was considered to be a thing for women only, but with the passage of time

man

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men

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have significantly joined the race. Everyone

seem

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seems

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to be uncontent with how they look and they

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

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are willing to part with a lot of money to enhance their looks.

For example

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dark skinned

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dark-skinned

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people

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envy to be

light skinned

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light-skinned

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, they buy

skin bleaching

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skin-bleaching

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products to change the pigment of their skin. Some go on for surgeries to alter their facial looks,

for

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example

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example,

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lips enlargement,

chin

Correct word choice

and chin

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altering. I believe the main reason for

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is caused by the influence of social media.

People

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given

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are

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pressure

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pressured

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by these

so called

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so-called

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social media influencers who

potrays

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portray

light skinned

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light-skinned

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and

slim bodied

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slim-bodied

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people

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as the most beautiful than the rest.

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, most

dark skinned

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dark-skinned

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and fat

people

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start to feel like they are not perfect

hence

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resorting to artificial beauty care. We have

also

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seen challenges of big buttocks, and everyone is thinking

increasing

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about increasing

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sizes

Correct article usage

the sizes

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of their hips. They go for surgeries to

exract

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extract

belly fat and put it on their behinds. Having done all

this

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, these

male

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males

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and females are ignoring the side effects that

comes

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come

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with these products. Some of the products cause undesirable damage to one's image.

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instance

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instance,

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they can burn the skin and you end up with patches looking like a leopard.

Submitted by sisalt100 on Thu Mar 14 2024

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Task Achievement

To enhance your score, ensure you discuss both reasons and results thoroughly. While you mentioned reasons such as social media and societal pressures, the discussion on results was minimal. Incorporate more on the consequences of beauty care pursuits, both positive and negative, to provide a balanced argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

For improved coherence and cohesion, structure your essay with clear paragraphs, each dedicated to a single idea. Begin paragraphs with topic sentences that introduce the paragraph's main idea, followed by explanatory sentences, and conclude with a sentence that rounds off the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

To foster a logical flow, link your ideas and paragraphs with appropriate transition words and phrases such as 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', 'However', and 'Consequently'. This will make your arguments more coherent and your essay easier to follow.

Task Achievement

Present a balanced view by discussing a wider range of reasons and results, and ensure each point is well-explained and supported with specific examples. Consider including the perspectives of beauty care as empowerment or self-expression, alongside the critique of societal pressures.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

1. Proliferation
2. Adhere to
3. Celebrities and influencers
4. Discretionary spending
5. Self-esteem
6. Attractiveness
7. Technological advancements
8. High-quality products and services
9. Health consciousness
10. Holistic wellness

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Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. What may be the root cause of this behavior? Discuss the reasons and possible results.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered?

Group or team activities can teach more important skills for life than those activities which are done alone. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvatages?

Technology has brought many benefits to people, however, some elderly have difficult using technology. What are the possible benefits of technology for the elderly population and how can they be encouraged to use it. Give answers and explainations to support your opion.

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages ?