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Writing Samples
Band 5

This bar chart gives information about rates of Australian male and female of dissimilar ages doing physical activity in 2010.

This bar chart gives information about rates of Australian male and female of dissimilar ages doing physical activity in 2010.
This
Linking Words
 bar chart gives information about rates of Australian
male
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males
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 and
female
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females
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 of dissimilar ages doing physical
activity
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 in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the chart shows opposite genres who were more physically active than young adults, but
women
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 after middle
age
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 did more physical
activity
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 than younger
women
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. In 2010, 52.8% of Australian men and 47.7%
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women
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of women
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 aged 15 to 24 participated in physical
activity
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.
While
Linking Words
women
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were
Verb problem
had
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 almost
in
Change preposition
apply
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similar
activity
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 levels between the
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age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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 25 and 44, men's
activity
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 levels reduced suddenly
in
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at
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 that
age
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. Only 39.5% of males aged 35 to 44
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
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regular
Change the word
regularly
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 exercised,
whereas
Linking Words
 a much higher percentage of
women
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 in the same
age
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 group 52.5% exercised regularly.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
women
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 accounted
more
Change preposition
for more
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 than 53% of the group comprising adults aged 45 to 54. But females aged 35 to 64 had a higher rate
in
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of
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sport
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sports
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 training than
teenegers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activity, women, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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