Some believe that the government should provide free education for all levels (primary, secondary, and university). Others believe that students should pay for the university by themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The mass population’s
education
is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
sole factor that could indicate a country’s
future
. Some people assume that it is compulsory for the government to offer pupils free
education
at all stages. Whilst, others believe that universities should charge
students
. The more educated the citizens are, the more
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
development will speed up. Paying for
students
Fix the agreement mistake
student
show examples
fees could have major
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
pupils who are not capable
to pay
Change preposition
of paying
show examples
for their
education
.
Furthermore
, it will offer everyone equal qualified
education
resulting more assured society in the
future
.
However
, there are
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of disadvantages to it.
For instance
, the commitment that
students
give to their learning process could decrease because it was convenient for them to get it.
Also
, to earn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money for pupil’s
education
and give the teacher’s salary, it is probable that government will increase taxes.
On the other hand
, since not all households have the ability to afford
education
,
requirement
Add an article
the requirement
a requirement
show examples
to pay for it could create
heavy
Add an article
a heavy
show examples
burden on the family.
This
means that there will be
discriminations
Fix the agreement mistake
discrimination
show examples
between schools depending on their tuition. The ones that have higher tariffs will offer more
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
qualified
education
,
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
environment and
promising
Correct article usage
a promising
show examples
future
.
By contrast
, the others which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
affordable
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
impoverished people will not reach the standard and prepare
trained
Correct article usage
a trained
show examples
workforce.
As a result
, it is probable that the children of wealthy
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
would obtain the family’s
affluency
Correct your spelling
affluence
affluent
by working
high paid
Replace the word
a high-paying
show examples
job, and the other side would not earn
adequate
Correct article usage
an adequate
show examples
amount of money for their
future
kids’
education
repeating
endless
Correct article usage
an endless
show examples
cycle.
Nevertheless
, one efficient side of
students
paying their tuition on their own is that they would be more hardworking because they are aware of its value. In conclusion, I believe that balancing the payment of schools by giving free
education
to children who are 18 and charging fees
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
pupils who are above it is the most appropriate solution.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more clearly into paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point or argument. This will help improve the logical flow and make your essay easier to understand.
coherence cohesion
Try to introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the paragraph's main idea. This practice will enhance the essay's coherence.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs. This can include contrastive phrases, causes and effects linkers, and sequencing words.
task achievement
Make sure your essay fully addresses all parts of the question. Your conclusion provides a clear stance, but ensure each view discussed in the body paragraphs is given balanced examination and reflection.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your points. Real-world examples or hypothetical situations can make your arguments more persuasive and insightful.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental right
  • personal development
  • empowerment
  • educated population
  • fostering innovation
  • reduce poverty
  • government debt
  • reallocation of funds
  • commitment to studies
  • quality of education
  • balanced approach
  • scholarships
  • grants
  • student loans
  • unmanageable debt
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