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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Write a letter to your neighbor (who is also your friend) about the damage that occurs to your car while he parks his car in the space allotted to you. In the letter, you should: Describe the damage Say how you feel about this problem. Suggest on actions he should take.

#neighbor #friend #damage #car #parks #space #actions
Dear Mr smith, I am writing
this
 letter to let you know that you
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
park
Wrong verb form
parked
show examples
 your
car
 in
parking
Correct article usage
the parking
show examples
 space allocated to me. when you parked the
car
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 night, it damaged my
car
 already
park
Wrong verb form
parked
show examples
 in the parking space. the rear of the
car
 has
damaged
Add a missing verb
been damaged
show examples
 severely. I
feel
Wrong verb form
felt
show examples
 really bad when I saw my
car
turned
Wrong verb form
turn
show examples
 up like
this
 in
early
Add an article
the early
show examples
 morning today.
This
 has spoiled my mood, and I am not over to get it. I did not expect that my morning
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 turn out to be like
this
. The
car
 has turned out to be really bad in shape. I would expect you to repair my
car
 at the earliest.
As
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I used the
car
 for
daily
Correct pronoun usage
my daily
show examples
 commute. I enquired about repairing the
car
 from
nearby
Correct article usage
a nearby
show examples
 mechanic shop and he told me that it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 take three days to repair the
car
. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours Sincerely, Jim rogers
Submitted by yash334 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clarity and flow in your paragraphs. Use transition words to better connect your ideas and maintain a logical structure throughout the letter.
Task Achievement
Your letter's opening and closing are appropriately formal, which is good. However, the overall tone of the letter could be more polite and less confrontational to maintain goodwill with your neighbor.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain a single idea or point per paragraph for clearer communication. For example, dedicate one paragraph to describe the damage, another to express how you feel, and a third to suggest a resolution.
Task Achievement
To improve task response, make sure your suggestions for action are clear and constructive. Instead of simply stating the expectation for a repair, provide more detail or suggest collaborating on finding a solution.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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