Economic progress is often used to measure a country’s success. However, some people believe that other factors are more important. What other factors should also be considered when measuring a country’s success? Do you think one factor is more important than others?

It is admitted that economic development plays a vital role
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
each
country
's
success
.But, some people believe that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
more than one factor that makes for
success
. I totally agree with
this
opinion, in the following paragraphs I will clarify. On the one hand, the advancement of
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
economy has a significant impact on social economic
success
. When the economy develops, people's lives
also
improve. To explain, people will have more chances to take care of themselves if they have enough money.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental health will
also
be increased
so
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
creating more economic
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
. It's like a repeating circle of benefits.
On the other hand
,
although
financial improvement is indispensable, there are various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
factors
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
also
be considered when measuring a
country
's development.
For example
, we can mention the field of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
safety and security because a strong
country
is a
country
with a solid army. Thanks to the firm of
army
Add an article
the army
an army
show examples
, the economists have a voice and leverage in the international market.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, it includes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other elements
such
as education, health care
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
. All of these factors help to maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental health.
For example
, if we keep our environment clean, we might have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
long-term viability and
success
.
Moreover
, if we have a good educational and healthcare system, we can create many quality persons ,so
this
also
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
successful society. With many benefits of other factors, we can not deny the importance of
these one
Change the determiner
this one
these ones
show examples
.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
economic progress is
verey
Correct your spelling
very
pivotal, it
also
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
other elements.
Submitted by nhuquynhbn2004 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to directly address all parts of the task. Bring in clear arguments with examples to show how economic growth and other factors contribute to a country's success. A direct comparison or a clear stance on which factor is more important would improve task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Connect your ideas more smoothly using transition words (e.g.,"Furthermore," "Moreover"). This will help improve the logical flow and coherence of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gross Domestic Product (GDP)
  • Human Development Index (HDI)
  • Sustainable Development
  • Income Inequality
  • Technological Advancement
  • Global Influence
  • Diplomatic Relations
  • Public Health Initiatives
  • Educational Attainment
  • Cultural Heritage
  • National Security
  • Social Cohesion
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!