Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think this is a positive/negative development?

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There has been a growing concern revolving around the
trend
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in which plenty of
children
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spend hours and hours daily playing on their
smartphones
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which is
due to
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the unconditional allowance of
parents
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. The writer of
this
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essay believes that
this
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negatively impacts the
children
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’s mental health
as well as
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prompts addiction to
the
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apply
show examples
smart
devices
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in
Change preposition
for
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a prolonged period. The frequent use of
smartphones
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by
children
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is mainly
due to
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the lack of supervision
their
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of their
show examples
kids
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in
parents
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.
This
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is not normally the case but as
the
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apply
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time
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goes by,
instead
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of spending
time
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playing with their
kids
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, more and more couples choose
smartphones
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as the
assistant
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assistants
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as well as
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the
toy
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toys
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for their
kids
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to play
.
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with.
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Although
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the fault is not of some
parents
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owing to the heavy workload they have to deal with, letting
children
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to
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apply
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play alone prolongedly will eventually impact the bond between family members, as
children
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see themselves lack of connection and company of the
parents
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.
Nevertheless
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, despite the possible benefits,
smartphones
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simultaneously pose a threat to the young generation because of their latent, adverse effects on the user’s mental health. The foremost impact that can be noticed is that more and more
children
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much
time
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on
smartphones
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are
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and are
show examples
likely to suffer from psychiatric illnesses unless they do not acknowledge how to protect themselves from cyberbullying or worse, involving in
cyber-crime
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
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.
For instance
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, many articles have reported that young people who frequently surf the Internet have a higher chance of being victims of online perpetrators, at around 35%. Another worrying issue about
this
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trend
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is the high possibility of becoming addicted to
smartphones
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as
the
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apply
show examples
children
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play
them
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with them
show examples
daily. Simply put, the phenomenon could be explained by knowing that the more
time
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children
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spend on their phones, the higher the amount of dopamine, a hormone of excitement, that the brain releases.
As a result
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, after a long
time
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playing with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
phones,
children
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will feel frustrated and most likely to be distracted from other activities as they can not stay focused until
there
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they
show examples
is
Verb problem
use
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an appearance of
the
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apply
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smartphones
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. In brief,
the
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apply
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children
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are dependent on these smart
devices
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and eventually, in the worst case, they are believed to harm anybody who
do
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does
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not let them play the
smartphones
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. In conclusion, the growing
trend
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of
children
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using
smartphones
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daily is a cause for concern on the grounds of
parents
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‘ reliance on these
devices
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in babysitting their
kids
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.
Although
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to some extent, there are still advantages of
this
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trend
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,
but
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apply
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overusing
smartphones
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can make
children
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develop mental health issues and cause addiction to the smart
devices
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.
Therefore
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, if positive changes are made by
parents
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and
children
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themselves,
children
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will no longer suffer from the destructive habit.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear, logical flow of ideas throughout your essay. While you have an introduction and conclusion, enhancing the transitional phrases between paragraphs could improve readability.
Task Achievement
Integrate more specific examples to support your points. Though you mentioned a statistic about young people and internet usage, adding real-life examples or studies could strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Develop a more nuanced position on the topic. While you've addressed the negative impacts of smartphone usage among children, acknowledging potential positive aspects and then arguing why the negatives outweigh them can provide a more balanced and compelling argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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