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Band 2.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the country side is decreasing. Do you think this a positive or negative development.

#countries #world #people #cities #population #country #side #development
In many parts of the globe, there is a noticeable increase in rural
migration
 to urban areas, which has resulted
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
population
 in local places.
This
 essay will discuss both positive and negative aspects and my opinion. On the one hand, the positive side of
migration
 is that it reduces
poverty
rate
 and promotes healthy living.
Firstly
,
there
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
poverty
Correct article usage
the poverty
show examples
rate
 because people who migrate leave their jobs vacant and so,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
 creates job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 for the unemployed thereby reducing
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
rate
as well as
poverty
Correct article usage
the poverty
show examples
rate
.
In addition
 decline in
unemployment
Add an article
the unemployment
show examples
rate
also
 drops come
rate
 as individuals are no longer idle and jobless.
Secondly
, less
population
 promote healthy living. So, when there is a fall in
population
 size, it results
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
, less pollution
such
 as overcrowding , noise pollution and even air pollution from exhaust pipes of cars and these are all beneficial to the health of the citizens.
On the other hand
, one of the negative aspects of
this
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is poor socio-economic development.
Due to
migration
 to the
city
Add a comma
city,
show examples
 there is
decrease
Add an article
a decrease
the decrease
show examples
 in manpower in the local places. As
such
,
few
Replace the word
fewer
show examples
 workers equals less produce, businesses
also
 have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 buyers all of
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 results
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
low economic growth. In conclusion, despite the negative sides of
migration
. In my opinion,
this
 is a positive development as it reduces
over
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
show examples
population
 and
poverty
.
Submitted by Emmanuelodachi on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear structure. Introduce your topic clearly, have separate paragraphs for different ideas, and a strong conclusion. Use linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your paragraphs with clear main ideas and support them with detailed examples or evidence. Avoid general statements.
Task Achievement
Fully address the essay prompt. Make sure to clearly state your opinion and explain both the positive and negative aspects as the question demands.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to express your ideas more clearly and effectively. Avoid repetition of words and phrases.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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