Some parents are worried about increasing levels of violence in TV,Video games and other entertainments for Children's leisure. how does this affects the children? how do you think this can be tackled?
Children
are the buds of each and every nation. Some parents
are worried to
their Change preposition
about
children
's entertain
leisure Verb problem
apply
activities
such
as TV, video games and other entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
due to
increasing levels of violence. This
affects offspring in negative ways and parents
control is the appropriate method to tackle Replace the word
parental
this
issue. A further
explanation will be presented in this
essay.
To commence with, these days, all entertainment activities
are contained
plenty of violence, Wrong verb form
contain
children
have Correct word choice
and children
any
other Correct determiner usage
no
choices
to watch and play Fix the agreement mistake
choice
besides
these adverse Replace the word
beside
ertainment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
activities
. For example
, video games always stimulate voilence
Correct your spelling
violent
activities
to
toddlers Change preposition
in
consequently
, they may face court in childhood because of doing any crime. To be more precise, all movies and sexies
contain adult Correct your spelling
series
scences
, so kids might Correct your spelling
scenes
sciences
affect
negatively and they have more anger mood in Wrong verb form
be affected
these day
because of watching Change the determiner
this day
these days
voilence
Correct your spelling
violence
violent
content
in
a regular basis. Needless to say, Increasing the Change preposition
on
voilent
- based on Correct your spelling
volume
content
can brings
negative Wrong verb form
bring
along with
adverse effect
to Fix the agreement mistake
effects
offsprings
.
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
Furthermore
, parent's
control and supervision can only tackle Fix the agreement mistake
parents'
this
issue because child
has no other choices to get entertainment Add an article
the child
a child
unless
Correct word choice
apply
Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
, so parents
should moniter
Correct your spelling
monitor
to
their little ones Change preposition
whether
wheather
watch and use Correct word choice
apply
violence-based
on the Correct your spelling
violence based
content
for children
content
. For instance
, Netflix provides options of
parental Controls, so Change preposition
for
parents
only decide their
Change preposition
on their
children
's watch shows and Series. In other words
, parents
should analyse to
their toddler's behaviour and attitude after watching any series. Change preposition
apply
Hence
, parents
are the only solution to prevent kids
from watching and using voilent
Correct your spelling
violent
content
entertaiments
.
In conclusion, watching Correct your spelling
entertainment
entertainments
Voilent-based
on Replace the word
violence based
the
entertainment causes adverse effects Correct article usage
apply
to
toddlers namely Crime but Change preposition
on
parents
control, Supervision and Change noun form
parents'
parent's
analyse
can tackle Replace the word
analysis
this
issue.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Provide a clearer structure to your essay by logically organizing your ideas into distinct paragraphs, each with a clear main idea. This will enhance both coherence and cohesion of your text.
Task Achievement
Introduce your essay with a clearer thesis statement that outlines the specific aspects you will discuss. This helps in achieving a better task response score.
Task Achievement
Use relevant examples to support your points more effectively. These examples should be specific and directly related to the points you are making, which will strengthen your arguments and improve task achievement.
Language Proficiency
Work on your spelling, grammar, and vocabulary. Errors in these areas can detract from the clarity and professionalism of your essay. For instance, watch out for typos like 'voilence' (violence), 'sexies' (series), and ensure correct use of plural forms and verb tenses.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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