IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

#technology #people #viewpoints
With the advancement of
technology
, many people have started to discuss whether
technology
 leads us together or not,
technology
 helps people to communicate easily.
Although
 most of the
time
 it pulls us into isolation, I believe
technology
 has driven us apart. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both viewpoints.
To begin
 with, the first and foremost reason for
favoring
Change the spelling
favouring
show examples
 modern
technology
 is that helps individuals communicate with one another in every corner of the world. people can chat through various applications that are available online
such
 as WhatsApp, Facebook, and many others.
For example
, nowadays citizens are going abroad to study or jobs.
Technology
 helps them stay in touch with their loved ones.
As a result
, they are not feeling alone and homesick.
On the other hand
, some individuals opine that the current mechanism has driven folk apart. It is
due to
 the masses that are spending their most of
time
 on mobiles. They have forgotten about their careers and spend a lot of
time
 chatting with their friends and unknown individuals m.
As a consequence
, they lack social skills and spend less
time
 with their family.
For example
, when folks spend all the
time
 on mobile phones
then
 they do not go outside the house. They even do not speak with their parents which results in their less interaction with family. Ultimately. from my perspective, modern
technology
 helps the masses to communicate with each other at long distances. But, if folk spend most of their
time
 on mobile phones
then
 they lack social skills which can affect society
Submitted by reemaljuaidi8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Ensure to proofread for small grammatical errors and typos (e.g., 'citizens' should be 'people', 'mechanism' should be 'technology', 'the masses' should be 'many people', 'folk' should be 'people').
task response
Enhance the depth of analysis in your main points. Try to delve deeper into how technology creates isolation and provide more specific evidence or examples.
coherence
Try to improve the coherence between sentences within paragraphs. Some transitions are a bit abrupt, and sentences could be linked more smoothly.
overall
You have a well-structured introduction and conclusion which encapsulates the argument well.
task response
You consider both sides of the argument effectively and represent different viewpoints.
support
Relevant examples have been provided to support your points, such as references to communication apps and mobile phone usage.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
What to do next:
Look at other essays: