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Band 5.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.

#plans #show #park #first
Grange
Park
 was opened in 1920, a rectangular area with access from Arnold Avenue on the north side and from Eldon Street on the south side. There was a fountain in the centre, with a stage for musicians situated centre left, a glasshouse to the right of the Eldon Street entrance and a pond for
water
 plants in the northeast corner opposite. Around the edges of the
park
, there were rose gardens, with seats nearby. The
park
 has altered considerably since
then
. Now there is one large rose garden, occupying the central area where the fountain stood, with seats all around it. One of the smaller rose gardens remains on the north side of the
park
. The bandstand (stage for musicians) has
also
 been replaced, by an amphitheatre for concerts and associated seating. The glasshouse has gone and its place is a
water
 feature;
similarly
, where the pond for
water
 plants stood there is now a children’s play area with a café nearby. Access to the
park
 is still via the two original entrances, but there is now a third entrance near the
water
 feature from an underground car
park
.
Submitted by maryam.nutrition1988 on

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task achievement
To enhance your introduction and conclusion, consider incorporating a brief analysis or summary about the significance of the changes to the park over the years. This could give your essay a more rounded perspective.
coherence cohesion
For a more cohesive structure, transitions between the past and present features could be smoother. Try using phrases that more clearly highlight the transformation aspect, such as 'transitioned from... to...', 'evolved into...', or 'has been replaced with...'.
task achievement
While your essay presents concise information, expanding on the implications or effects of these changes could deepen the response. For instance, mention how the modifications meet the current needs of the community or reflect environmental considerations.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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