People aim to achieve a balance between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of this problem? How to overcome it?
In recent years everyone
try
to find and Wrong verb form
has tried
work
very
Correct article usage
a very
well paid
job with minimum working hours, which is almost impossible. Add a hyphen
well-paid
People
try to reach a balance between their work
and social lifestyle, but only few
of them are able to manage Change the article
a few
work
and social life
. In this
essay
I will argue some major causes of Add a comma
essay,
this
problem and possible solution
.
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
Main
cause of Add an article
The main
this
problem is that people
always want to live better lives as well as
to earn more and more money to do that. Moreover
some Add a comma
Moreover,
people
are workaholic
and these Fix the agreement mistake
workaholics
type
of Fix the agreement mistake
types
people
try to aim top
of their career and Add an article
the top
this
leads to asociety
and Correct your spelling
a society
society
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
of
their social lives. Change preposition
apply
This problems
could be easily managed by the Change the determiner
This problem
These problems
people
if they are strongly determined and really want a balance between social life
and their job.
However
, big
part of the Add an article
a big
people
around the world work
overtime when they have a chance to do that, because overtime work
means much more earnings oportunity
. Doing that Correct your spelling
opportunity
people
don't realize that they spend more and more time
at work
instead
of at home with their families. On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
this
leads to disbalance between work
and social life
.
Meanwhile, some type of people
are workaholic
and their only goal is to Fix the agreement mistake
workaholics
reached
the top of their career, and Change the verb
reach
this
can lead to a serious disbalance between work
and social life
.
Furthermore
, some possible solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
of
that could be self-development and Change preposition
to
find
well paid job Wrong verb form
finding
instead
of minimum paid
. If Replace the word
pay
people
get well paid they will be satisfied and take a break from work
and spend much more time
with themselves and their families.
In addition
for
those Change preposition
apply
people
who are Fix the agreement mistake
workaholics
workaholic
they should be encouraged to give themselves much more Add a comma
workaholic,
time
to reached
the top of their Wrong verb form
reach
qualification
and spend more Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
time
with their families.
In conclusion
finding a balance Add a comma
conclusion,
betweed
Correct your spelling
between
work
and social life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
pose
challenges for Correct subject-verb agreement
poses
people
who try to work
and socialise. Otherwise
if Add a comma
Otherwise,
people
are strongly determined to aim their
goal and have Change preposition
for their
social
Correct article usage
a social
live
they could easily do that.Replace the word
life
Submitted by yuzgeademova2001 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider organizing your essay more logically. Start with a clear introduction that presents your thesis statement, followed by body paragraphs each discussing a single cause or solution, and finally, a conclusion that summarizes your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will help the reader easily follow your arguments and understand the structure of your essay.
Task Achievement
Address the essay question directly. Ensure that your introduction includes a direct response to the question, and that your conclusion reinforces this response. Be explicit in stating the causes and solutions.
Task Achievement
Provide specific examples to illustrate your points. Examples add depth to your arguments and help the reader understand the real-world implications of the issues and solutions you are discussing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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