Some say the best way to deal with public health issues is to invest in developing new medicines. Others say that a better way is to promote a healthy lifestyle. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some argue that inventing new
drugs
is the optimal
way
in dealing
Change preposition
to deal
show examples
with public
health
problems,
while
others argue that promoting healthy practices is a better solution.
This
essay will discuss how
drugs
have treated
diseases
and why choosing a healthy
lifestyle
is the best
way
to overcome them.
To begin
with, some argue that developing modern
drugs
is the best
way
to treat
diseases
because it can have some instant effects. It has been proven that they have cured many
health
issues. There are medicines to cure infections, headaches, chemotherapeutic
drugs
, and so on.
However
, taking medications
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
harmful to the body as well.
For example
,
drugs
to treat headaches
such
as ibuprofen can
also
damage the kidneys if taken in large doses and consistently taken for a long time.
Thus
, inventing new
drugs
is not the optimal
way
deal
Fix the infinitive
to deal
show examples
with
health
problems.
On the other hand
, promoting healthy practices can help prevent many
health
issues. Most of the causes of many
diseases
are related to unhealthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
,
thus
, making changes in the
lifestyle
can help solve them and it does not cost people any penny.
For instance
, if someone wants to fight obesity, he can modify his diet by limiting fatty and sugary foods, and
incorporate
Wrong verb form
incorporating
show examples
exercise in his daily routine.
That is
to
say
Add a comma
say,
show examples
preventing
health
problems from
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
and recurring can be done by choosing a healthy
lifestyle
. In conclusion, despite the efficiency of medicines in treating many
diseases
,
however
, I believe that making a healthier choice in life is the best
way
to improve the
health
of people.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

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Task Achievement
Introduce a clear thesis statement in the introduction that directly addresses the question and outlines your position. This helps in making your stance clear from the beginning.
Task Achievement
Make sure to discuss both views equally before presenting your opinion. This essay tends to focus more on promoting a healthy lifestyle, potentially leading to an unbalanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using phrases like 'On the other hand' is good, but aim to diversify with additional linking words.
Coherence and Cohesion
To bolster coherence, aim to develop your paragraphs with a single main idea each, supported by detailed explanations or examples. This structure makes your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
Task Achievement
Revisit the essay conclusion to ensure it clearly summarizes the discussion and reinforces your opinion. Use this part to unequivocally state your viewpoint in relation to the essay question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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