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Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#experts #country #wealth #citizens
Firstly
, the increase in economic wealth means the opportunity to develop
businness
Correct your spelling
business
 is greater because citizens's needs in rich countries will have different patterns compared to poor countries. They are not in the phase of striving for basic needs anymore
nor
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or
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 for housing. It is because they like to try to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
ther
Correct your spelling
their
the
 desire
of having
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to have
show examples
 some luxury brands
instead
 of focusing
in
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on
show examples
 their daily needs.
For example
, rich people usually have bags
collection
Replace the word
collected
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 from high-end brands.
That is
 why the consumers of those
lables
Correct your spelling
labels
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 getting higher every year. So,
this
 is an interesting chance
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be taken by the brands to improve their
selling
Replace the word
sales
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.
Secondly
,
additional
Correct article usage
an additional
show examples
 increase in economic wealth might lead to
decrease
Add an article
a decrease
the decrease
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the economic gap since
Submitted by srsdy008 on

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task achievement
Engage directly with the essay question by stating your position. Addressing whether you agree or disagree with the statement will make your essay responsive to the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should include an introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should directly respond to the prompt and outline the points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay develops a clear argument throughout. Progress logically from premise to conclusion, strengthening your argument with examples or evidence where possible.
task achievement
Consider expanding on how the additional wealth impacts citizen satisfaction, not just the economy or luxury market. This will align more closely with the essay question.
coherence cohesion
Use precise, topic-related vocabulary and check that your ideas are fully developed and elaborated on. This includes concluding your points and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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