An increasing number of students are choosing to study abroad. To what extend does this trend benefit the students themselves and the countries involved. What are the drawbacks?

It is true that
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
proportion of students tend to travel overseas for their higher education.
People
have different mindsets regarding
this
phenomenon.
This
trend
both
Add a missing verb
has both
show examples
benefits and drawbacks. I will explicate my viewpoints in the subsequent paragraphs.  On the one hand, there are a multitude of reasons why individuals think that getting
education
Add an article
an education
show examples
from different
countries
benefit
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
show examples
them. The most significant reason is that some fields of study are given more preference in other
countries
and
also
provide good annual income
whereas
some
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
not value that specific field. Canada,
for example
, pays good money in skilled trade
such
as electricians, plumbers
etcetera
Correct your spelling
etc.
,
while
India does not take these small occupations
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
consideration and
people
are not paid much.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
people
interested in these fields travel to different
countries
, study there and get paid well.
Moreover
, it is not just the
people
who benefit from
this
migration, the
countries
benefit equally.
Countries
get skilled
people
from different places across the globe which in turn help in the development of these
countries
. Despite having the benefits, there are
multitude
Add an article
a multitude
show examples
of disadvantages of
this
phenomenon as well. First and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foremost
is that
Verb problem
,
show examples
youngsters stay away from their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
while
they travel to study.
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
show examples
they suffer from loneliness, depression and other mental disorders which affect their daily life. They cannot express themselves to anyone and have to do all things
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
their own. Another reason is that the
countries
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
people
leave have to face
decline
Add an article
a decline
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
growth. Elaborating
further
, the younger youth will leave the
countries
and only old
aged
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
will be left to work for the progress of the country.
Thus
, resulting in
downfall
Add an article
the downfall
show examples
of the country.
To conclude
,
although
the trend of moving from the home country to
Fix the agreement mistake
another
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
another
show examples
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
for higher education has certain pros, there are some cons that cannot be neglected.
Submitted by jaspreet on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

General
Consider diversifying your vocabulary and sentence structures to make your essay more engaging. Incorporating a wider range of expressions and complex sentences can add depth to your arguments.
Task Achievement
In your introduction, clearly state your position on the issue to provide a solid foundation for your argument. This helps in making your viewpoint clear from the beginning.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your argument, provide more specific examples and evidence. While you have included some examples, adding more detailed instances or data could greatly enhance your essay's persuasiveness.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more smoothly between paragraphs. Using a variety of cohesive devices effectively can improve the flow of your essay and make your points more coherent.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and restates your position. This reinforces your argument and provides a clear ending to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: