Studies have shown that most criminals have low levels of education. Because of this many believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate prisoners so they can get a job after being released. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many argue that being uneducated is the main cause of
crime
offenses
. Several studies have Change the spelling
offences
also
supported this
theory, which led people to believe that education
would help prevent repeat offences
from Correct your spelling
offenders
commiting
crimes. In my point of view, I totally support Correct your spelling
committing
this
idea. However
, there are also
different better
ways to decrease the Correct word choice
and better
crime
rate
.
On the one hand, there is no doubt that education
in the
jail is a practical strategy for reducing the Correct article usage
apply
crime
rate
. Providing several vocational training programs allow
inmates to gain a deeper knowledge, valuable life skills and soft skills which facilitate them to get a job after Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
reintegrate
back into society. Wrong verb form
reintegrating
By
Change preposition
In
this
way, they still create a
value Correct article usage
apply
to
Change preposition
for
the
society and Correct article usage
apply
also
their own family instead
of being a burden. Additionally
, in-prison teaching can foster
Verb problem
encourage
themselves
to look back and be aware of their faulty actions. It can lead to positive behavioral changes and Correct pronoun usage
them
drop
Correct article usage
a drop
the
Change preposition
in the
rate
of recidivism.
On the other hand
, while
in-jail education
can drop the rate
of relapsing into crime
of Add an article
the crime
a crime
commiting
inmates, we Correct your spelling
committing
also
have other ways to prevent the crime
before it happens. Firstly
, for serious offences such
as hacking or white collar
convicts who pursued a high level Add a hyphen
white-collar
education
, it is useless when educating them in prison. In Change preposition
of education
this
case, people should hand a harsher punishment which gives a deeper bearing on their thoughts and behaviours. Secondly
, the crime
rate
is easily decreased by sharing criminology into
early academic programs for youths. By teaching all the drawbacks, Change preposition
in
consequences
of the illegal activities which affect their life, younger people can be raised higher awareness of crimes and avoid being involved in these in the future.
Correct word choice
and consequences
To conclude
, there is no denying that education
plays a critical role in reducing recidivism; otherwise
, one also
needs to look for other solutions which can prevent crimes from the root.Submitted by nhatnhi2204 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical flow in your argument by enhancing the connection between ideas. This can be done through better paragraph transitions and a stronger linkage between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Introduce and conclude your essay clearly and succinctly. Your introduction set the tone, but the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the key points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Deepen the development of your main points by including more detailed examples and explanations. This will make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
task achievement
Response to the task by addressing the prompt fully. Your essay provides a comprehensive discussion of the topic. Including a more direct statement about your degree of agreement or disagreement could clarify your position.
task achievement
Enhance clarity and depth of your ideas by elaborating further on how education specifically impacts recidivism rates and exploring the nuances of crime prevention strategies.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific, real-world examples to support your arguments. This enhances the relevance and persuasive power of your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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