IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Governments should make more effort to promote alternative sources of energy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#governments #effort #alternative #sources #energy
Some argue that alternative
energy
 sources need to be more developed by governments’ efforts. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
this
energy
 problem and why I completely agree with
this
 opinion.
Firstly
, it has been said that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 must reduce the amount of carbon
dioxcide
Correct your spelling
dioxide
 which has been the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 climate
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
 in the world. Today, most
energy
has been
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 produced by
fossile
Correct your spelling
fossil
 fuels but it is
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 GHG. Climate changes have
been make
Verb problem
caused
show examples
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 not only human life but
also
 worldwide ecosystems, and
then
, some
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 have been
extincted
Correct your spelling
extinct
.
In addition
, some
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
 have faced
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 difficulty of a lack of
elrctric
Correct your spelling
electric
electrical
 power. These days, many countries have stopped
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 nuclear power facilities which can make a great amount of
energy
, because it has been recognised as a dangerous method. Without
this
,
however
, we cannot get enough
electricities
Replace the word
electricity
show examples
.
As a result
, speaking of Japan, some
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 did
shout
Correct your spelling
shut
show examples
 down
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 electricity in the
last
 hot summer, and some people could not use air conditioners. In conclusion, I believe governments must make more and more efforts to make alternative
energy
 sources like water, solar, or other
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
 and sustainable ways. In general, it costs a lot and
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
show examples
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
, so many governments have been
hesitates
Replace the word
hesitant
show examples
. But climate change and a lack of
energy
 have to be solved and governments are
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
 organisations which can do something
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
these problem
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
. They should invest more
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 studies or facilities. I hope
this
 situation will be improved someday.
Submitted by mayu1022.p on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the structure of your essay is logical, and each paragraph develops your argument. Try to use connecting phrases to introduce different points effectively.
coherence cohesion
In the introduction, clearly state your opinion and summarize the main points that will be discussed. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is developed with explanations and examples.
task achievement
Make sure to directly address the task throughout your essay. Your opinion should be clear, and the body paragraphs should support your viewpoint with concise and relevant examples.
task achievement
Revise your essay for grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Consider using a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the readability and sophistication of your writing. Also, focus on being specific and providing clear, logical support for your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • spearheading
  • sustainable
  • renewable energy
  • fossil fuels
  • transitioning
  • economic implications
  • government policies
  • research and development
  • national energy security
  • public-private sector collaboration
  • diversifying
  • environmental impact
  • clean energy
  • industry growth
  • dependence on imported fuels
  • alternative sources
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