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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The age at which people have children has risen. Some people believe that because of this, families and countries will suffer some problems. What is your opinion?

#age #people #children #families #countries
There is no doubt that in
this
 era, more and more
parents
 tend to have their children later than before and some arguments among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people believe that families and countries will suffer from
this
 trend.In my opinion ,I partly agree with
this
 pace.
To begin
 with ,the disadvantages of
this
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 most likely toward the mother and baby's health.
For instance
 ,data shows from the research ,
a
Correct pronoun usage
that a
show examples
mother who is giving birth
in
Change preposition
at
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late
Correct article usage
a late
show examples
 age will harm both the mother and baby because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health complications
such
 as stillbirth ,chromosomal abnormalities and mortality .Sometimes,leading to
C-section
Correct article usage
a C-section
show examples
 during
delivery
Correct article usage
the delivery
show examples
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
baby.
Conseqeuntly
Correct your spelling
Consequently
,the cost of
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 care system will increase and the
enconomic
Correct your spelling
economic
economy
 will be
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
.Next ,the challenge of late parenthood will
also
 have
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
 on the
familiy
Correct your spelling
family
,especially the gap in understanding and energy between the
parents
 and children.
For example
 ,the older
parents
 might face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
difficulties in managing and keeping up with the
youngters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 because
this
 requires a lot of energy .
In contrast
 ,the
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
 of having late parenthood is that
marriage
Replace the word
married
show examples
 couples can enjoy their life experience and freedom .
Besides
 that ,the couples can be more
prepare
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prepared
show examples
 in terms of financial
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
stability in order to support their family in the future. In conclusion , there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 some merits and demerits of
this
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
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,
although
 the risk of giving birth at an older age but considering the freedom and
stablility
Correct your spelling
stability
 that can be
giving
Change the form of the verb
given
show examples
 to the
parents
 and future generations.
Submitted by tifjong on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses the question. You should state your opinion more clearly throughout the essay, not only in the conclusion. Develop your ideas further by providing more comprehensive explanations and ensuring that each paragraph contributes to your overall argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, consider organizing your essay more logically. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea, and ensure that all subsequent sentences within the paragraph support that idea. Additionally, make better use of transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments, enhancing the overall flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • family dynamics
  • energy levels
  • financially stable
  • retirement savings
  • education funds
  • health risks
  • complications
  • declining birth rates
  • workforce
  • social services
  • aging population
  • life experience
  • emotionally prepared
  • financially prepared
  • responsibilities
  • parenthood
  • enriched environment
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