IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The age at which people have children has risen. Some people believe that because of this, families and countries will suffer some problems. What is your opinion?

#age #people #children #families #countries
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There is no doubt that in
this
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 era, more and more
parents
Use synonyms
 tend to have their children later than before and some arguments among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people believe that families and countries will suffer from
this
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 trend.In my opinion ,I partly agree with
this
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 pace.
To begin
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 with ,the disadvantages of
this
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 most likely toward the mother and baby's health.
For instance
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 ,data shows from the research ,
a
Correct pronoun usage
that a
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mother who is giving birth
in
Change preposition
at
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late
Correct article usage
a late
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 age will harm both the mother and baby because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health complications
such
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 as stillbirth ,chromosomal abnormalities and mortality .Sometimes,leading to
C-section
Correct article usage
a C-section
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 during
delivery
Correct article usage
the delivery
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a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
baby.
Conseqeuntly
Correct your spelling
Consequently
,the cost of
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 care system will increase and the
enconomic
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economic
economy
 will be
effected
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affected
show examples
.Next ,the challenge of late parenthood will
also
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 have
big
Correct article usage
a big
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impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
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 on the
familiy
Correct your spelling
family
,especially the gap in understanding and energy between the
parents
Use synonyms
 and children.
For example
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 ,the older
parents
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 might face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
difficulties in managing and keeping up with the
youngters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 because
this
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 requires a lot of energy .
In contrast
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 ,the
benefits
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benefit
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 of having late parenthood is that
marriage
Replace the word
married
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 couples can enjoy their life experience and freedom .
Besides
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 that ,the couples can be more
prepare
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prepared
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 in terms of financial
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
stability in order to support their family in the future. In conclusion , there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 some merits and demerits of
this
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phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
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,
although
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 the risk of giving birth at an older age but considering the freedom and
stablility
Correct your spelling
stability
 that can be
giving
Change the form of the verb
given
show examples
 to the
parents
Use synonyms
 and future generations.
Submitted by tifjong on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses the question. You should state your opinion more clearly throughout the essay, not only in the conclusion. Develop your ideas further by providing more comprehensive explanations and ensuring that each paragraph contributes to your overall argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, consider organizing your essay more logically. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea, and ensure that all subsequent sentences within the paragraph support that idea. Additionally, make better use of transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments, enhancing the overall flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • family dynamics
  • energy levels
  • financially stable
  • retirement savings
  • education funds
  • health risks
  • complications
  • declining birth rates
  • workforce
  • social services
  • aging population
  • life experience
  • emotionally prepared
  • financially prepared
  • responsibilities
  • parenthood
  • enriched environment
What to do next:
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