Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health, others believe that government should make sure that their are healthy.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #responsibility #individuals #care #health #government

Many

citizens

think that

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

should ensure their

health

However

, others

said

Wrong verb form

say

show examples

that individuals authority to maintain their

healthy

Replace the word

health

show examples

. I agree that people should keep their

body

Fix the agreement mistake

bodies

show examples

healthy personally.

This

essay will discuss two sides and give

the

Correct article usage

show examples

example. On the one hand,

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

do not have

Correct article usage

the responsible

show examples

responsible

Replace the word

responsibility

show examples

to maintain their

citizens

Change to a genitive case

citizen's

citizens'

show examples

health

. They only have

obligation

Correct article usage

an obligation

show examples

to educate about

health

Correct article usage

the health

show examples

community.

By the

Change preposition

The

show examples

ministry

Capitalize word

Ministry

show examples

health

Capitalize word

Health

show examples

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can promote how to keep their body fit and prevent

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

diseases.

For instance

, they can use mass media or attend

Change preposition

apply

show examples

educational

institutional

Replace the word

institutions

show examples

and public offices to give some promotion.

On the other hand

, it is

peoples'

Change noun form

people's

show examples

responsibility to maintain their

health

Change preposition

apply

show examples

individually. They should

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

think about their bad habit causing disease for them, especially what food and beverages

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

they consume. To prevent

this

problem, they can eat healthy food and

doing

Wrong verb form

show examples

sports.

For example

, they can prepare their healthy meal from home and do not order

fast-food

Correct your spelling

fast food

show examples

Furthermore

Wrong verb form

doing

show examples

more exercise like running or playing their favourite sport two days

everyweek

Correct your spelling

every week

is good for their

health

As a consequence

, they can be

Change the word

apply

show examples

healthier and do not suffer acute or chronic diseases.

In addition

, it can reduce many

risks factor

Fix the agreement mistake

risk factors

show examples

of diseases. All in all, I think that

citizens

Change noun form

citizens'

citizen's

show examples

health

is in

theirself

Correct your spelling

their

control to maintain

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

, not to lean on

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

which only

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

their

Correct pronoun usage

its

show examples

obligation to prevent and cure. I believe that by doing good

habit

Fix the agreement mistake

habits

show examples

and

consume

Wrong verb form

consuming

show examples

healthy food can make all

citizens

healthier. It can improve

Correct article usage

the countrys'

show examples

countrys'

Change noun form

country's

show examples

prosperity.

Submitted by Crowns on Sat Mar 16 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve Task Achievement, make sure to respond completely to all parts of the question. This involves discussing both views in depth and providing a clear opinion. Ensure your examples are directly relevant to the points you're making.

Coherence & Cohesion

Enhance Coherence and Cohesion by organizing your essay in a clearer, more logical way. Use paragraphs effectively, each with a clear main idea. Also, use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas within and across paragraphs.

Language

Improve grammar and accuracy throughout your essay. This includes paying attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and correct use of articles.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

255 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

preventive healthcare
public health infrastructure
health literacy
wellness programs
fiscal policies
lifestyle diseases
universal healthcare
regulatory frameworks
socio-economic determinants of health
holistic health approach

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Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health, others believe that government should make sure that their are healthy.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries, companies allow people to work from home. In others, people are still expected to work in an office. Discuss both views

Things like puzzles, board games and pictures can contribute to a child’s development. What would you give a child to help him/her develop and why? Give details and examples in your explanation.

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people think that newspapers are the best way to learn about the news. However, others believe that they can learn the news more effectively through other media. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think that it can be harmful for children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work?