Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health, others believe that government should make sure that their are healthy.Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Many
citizens
think that government
should ensure their Correct article usage
the government
health
. However
, others said
that individuals authority to maintain their Wrong verb form
say
healthy
. I agree that people should keep their Replace the word
health
body
healthy personally. Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
This
essay will discuss two sides and give the
example.
On the one hand, Correct article usage
an
government
do not have Correct article usage
the government
Correct article usage
the responsible
responsible
to maintain their Replace the word
responsibility
citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'
health
. They only have obligation
to educate about Correct article usage
an obligation
health
community. Correct article usage
the health
By the
Change preposition
The
ministry
of Capitalize word
Ministry
health
, Capitalize word
Health
they
can promote how to keep their body fit and prevent Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
diseases. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, they can use mass media or attend to
educational Change preposition
apply
institutional
and public offices to give some promotion.
Replace the word
institutions
On the other hand
, it is peoples'
responsibility to maintain their Change noun form
people's
health
as
individually. They should Change preposition
apply
to
think about their bad habit causing disease for them, especially what food and beverages Change the verb form
apply
are
they consume. To prevent Unnecessary verb
apply
this
problem, they can eat healthy food and doing
sports. Wrong verb form
do
For example
, they can prepare their healthy meal from home and do not order fast-food
. Correct your spelling
fast food
Furthermore
, do
more exercise like running or playing their favourite sport two days Wrong verb form
doing
everyweek
is good for their Correct your spelling
every week
health
. As a consequence
, they can be more
healthier and do not suffer acute or chronic diseases. Change the word
apply
In addition
, it can reduce many risks factor
of diseases.
All in all, I think that Fix the agreement mistake
risk factors
citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
health
is in theirself
control to maintainCorrect your spelling
their
it
, not to lean on Correct pronoun usage
apply
government
which only Correct article usage
the government
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
their
obligation to prevent and cure. I believe that by doing good Correct pronoun usage
its
habit
and Fix the agreement mistake
habits
consume
healthy food can make all Wrong verb form
consuming
citizens
healthier. It can improve Correct article usage
the countrys'
countrys'
prosperity.Change noun form
country's
Submitted by Crowns
on
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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, make sure to respond completely to all parts of the question. This involves discussing both views in depth and providing a clear opinion. Ensure your examples are directly relevant to the points you're making.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance Coherence and Cohesion by organizing your essay in a clearer, more logical way. Use paragraphs effectively, each with a clear main idea. Also, use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas within and across paragraphs.
Language
Improve grammar and accuracy throughout your essay. This includes paying attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and correct use of articles.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.