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Writing Samples
Band 4

Band 6+: At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#band #time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
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Nowadays in some countries, the
population
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 includes a majority of young
adults
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, compared with a
number
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 of older
people
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. In my opinion, I consider that a bigger
number
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 of young
adults
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 can bring about more advantages for a country compared to any problems they might bring. Despite the drawbacks below, I believe that the benefits gained by a relatively large
number
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 of young
adults
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 in countries are extremely useful for the development of the world.
Firstly
Linking Words
, young
adults
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 are able
do
Add the particle
to do
show examples
 huge work in order to improve the quality of infrastructure in cities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, young
adults
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 provide crucial improvements each day, they work hard in manufacturing.
Secondly
Linking Words
, young
adults
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 are not paid
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
big
Correct word choice
large
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 amount of money, for
governments
Add a comma
governments,
show examples
 it will be easier if the
population
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 consists of a large
number
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 of young
adults
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, because they will not give any financial aid
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 young ones.
For example
Linking Words
, usually young
adults
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 do not receive free pills in hospitals and they
are not encourage
Change the verb form
are not encouraged
are not encouraging
show examples
 with free food. Young
adults
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 pay absolutely everything themselves and there are no rewards. Admittedly, there are some issues involved when the
population
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 of young
adults
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 is bigger. One problem is that among young
adults
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may occur
Verb problem
,
show examples
 competition for a job and unemployment because of
this
Linking Words
. There are already some
people
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 who are trying to find a job, so if there is a huge
number
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 of young
adults
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 some of them will be unemployed.Another negative aspect is that the bigger
number
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 of young
adults
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 may raise concerns about public safety.
For instance
Linking Words
 ,if the
population
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 of young
adults
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 is bigger, there is a possibility that there will be more crimes. Not all young
people
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 have jobs and not all are well provided, they can steal.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
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 may
expose
Wrong verb form
be exposed
show examples
 to danger in the event of a bigger
number
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 of young
adults
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. In conclusion, a relatively large
number
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 of young
adults
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 in countries will stand out in good stead and clearly outweigh any disadvantages
Submitted by hadvaniparth1 on

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logical structure
Work on developing a clear and structured layout for your essay. Use distinct paragraphs to introduce your thesis, present each argument, and conclude your points.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined. Your introduction should outline the key points to be discussed, and your conclusion should summarize these points and reaffirm your stance.
supported main points
Make sure to support your main points with clear examples and explanations. This will help strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
complete response
Address the task directly, ensure that you answer all parts of the question. Develop your ideas fully and provide specific examples to substantiate your points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Focus on clarity and precision in presenting your ideas. Aim for comprehensiveness in explaining your viewpoints and how they relate to the question.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate specific examples and detailed explanations to support your arguments. These examples should be directly relevant to the points you are making.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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