IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people feel that most of the urgent problems can only be solved by international cooperation. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#people #cooperation
Nowadays ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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urgent issues are increasing in the world .
Therefore
, some people think that governments should get
a
Change the article
an
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 international deal to solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
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urgent
problems
such
 as global warming and climate change . I strongly agree that global cooperation could likely overcome them . First of all, the main solution
of
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to
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 solving the threatening
problems
 with other nations
that
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is that
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 the
countries
 affect
positive
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positively
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 or
negative
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negatively
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 to others .
In other words
, if a serious problem happens in a particular part of the world , it would impact
on
Change preposition
apply
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other parts of it .
Hence
 , they need to
making
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make
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joint
Correct article usage
a joint
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effort
Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
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preventing
Change the verb form
to prevent
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 the urgent
problems
’ outcomes.
For example
 , covid-19 had started in China , and it spread to other
countries
.
Therefore
, it changed vital
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 for internationals’ health.
Thus
, the
international health world organization
Correct your spelling
International Health World Organization
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had
Wrong verb form
has
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 taken a step to reduce
drawback
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the negative
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 effects of it .
Consequently
, the spread of
Covid - 19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
 decreased .
Secondly
, another reason for solving urgent
problems
 by global cooperation is that a country cannot solve them by itself. Obviously, underdeveloped or war-zone
countries
 are unable to solve their dangerous and fundamental
problems
such
 as famine and drought on their own .
For instance
, in 2004 ,a war began in Syria and most locals there suffered from famine and they could not access any daily nutrition or needs from their local authorities for
long
Add an article
a long
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 period.
Hence
, the TIKA international community delivered them daily food and nutrition.
As a result
, many Syrians were saved from starving to death. In conclusion, it is often argued that urgent
problems
 should only be solved by international joint ventures. Unless
this
 is done,
countries
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 not be able to address critical issues alone.
Submitted by ab.ciyani on

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task achievement
Practice developing a clear thesis statement in your introduction. This will help the reader understand your main argument right from the beginning.
coherence & cohesion
Work on enriching your introduction and conclusion. Make sure they form a complete and compelling frame for your essay, introducing and summarizing your main points effectively.
coherence & cohesion
Try to use a wider variety of linking words and organize your paragraphs more clearly to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Incorporate a balanced approach by discussing both sides of the argument, even if you have a strong opinion. This will make your essay more comprehensive.
task achievement
Ensure to provide a variety of examples and evidence to support your points. More detailed and diverse examples can strengthen your argument.
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