IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent, do uou agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work #uou
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The majority of
people
 believe that eh
age
 when the
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
 stop working should be increased immensely as the result of the longer
age
 of many
people
 than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past.
However
, the author of
this
 essay totally
disagree
Change the verb form
disagrees
show examples
 with
this
 viewpoint since
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the old is not strong enough to work and it can
also
make
Verb problem
put
show examples
 an invisible pressure on their mental health. One of the most primary
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why the governments should not
raised
Change the verb form
raise
show examples
 the aged-retire
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 the
elders
' strength and intellect
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not enough to reach the standard of working. It can
also
 be seen that the
people
 who stop working at over the
age
 of 50 or 60
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 weaker, slower and the most important one is their intelligence is not as bright and sensitive as
Change preposition
in the
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,some of the old can not live
aas
Correct your spelling
as
 long as
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 thought; in spite of
this
, they should be returned home and leave their
last
 life beside their family
insted
Correct your spelling
instead
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
working
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
America
Replace the word
American
show examples
 residents who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 over 55 have received
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement
pension
Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
show examples
 from the funding until they disappear
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
. Another key component of the retired
age
 should not be increased
that
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 it can
also
 negatively affect the
elders
' spirit.
This
 has been self-evident that the standard-retired
age
 is the period
time
Change preposition
of time
show examples
 at which they can stop working;
moreover
, if the authorities had changed the policy immediately, the
elders
 would be
boring
Replace the word
bored
show examples
 and
disappointing
Replace the word
disappointed
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 working. For that reason, in lieu of
make
Verb problem
putting
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pressure on the
elders
, putting the juvenile to carry on what the pioneer generation's work and inherited the soul of the old is the better
soution
Correct your spelling
solution
. Case in point,
this
 is a survey on the Chinese that there is not any retired-
age
 policy for the
elders
;
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 reason, the old are tired and would prefer to move to
another countries
Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
show examples
 to enjoy their life so the GDP of China is decreased though the overpopulated phenomenon is serious. In conclusion, the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
aged-retire
Correct your spelling
elderly
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a big impact on the
elders
' spirit and mental health.
At the end
 of
this
 essay has clearly proven that the authorities should not raise the
age
 at which
people
reitire
Correct your spelling
retire
 from working considerably
due to
 the pressure has made on the old and the old
age
 problems.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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logical structure
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introduction conclusion present
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and summarize your main points effectively; this can strengthen the impact of your essay.
supported main points
Provide stronger support for your main points with more detailed examples or evidence to effectively persuade your reader.
complete response
Fully address all parts of the prompt in your response to ensure task achievement is maximized. Consider exploring counterarguments or broader implications to provide a more comprehensive analysis.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and expand your ideas to improve the cohesiveness of your essay. Avoid overly complex or unclear statements that can confuse the reader.
relevant specific examples
Integrate more specific, relevant examples to underpin your arguments. Precise illustrations can significantly enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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