IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries, some children spend a long time each a day or their smartphone instead of reading book. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #time #smartphone #book
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In recent years, technology has evolved
emensely
Correct your spelling
immensely
,
therefore
Linking Words
, stealing a
lot
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 of hearts and souls of many individuals. A
lot
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 of young kids find themselves glued
on
Change preposition
to
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 their smartphones for long hours.
This
Linking Words
 idea is debatable. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will explain and give reasons
to
Change preposition
as to
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 why
i
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I
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 agree with
this
Linking Words
 view.
Firstly
Linking Words
, social media is one of the biggest reasons why children spend a
lot
Use synonyms
 of their time on
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because they will be making videos in
responds
Replace the word
response
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 to a
lot
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 of challenges made by content creators around the world.
For example
Linking Words
 on
tik tok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
, girls will be busy twerking and showing off their bums.
This
Linking Words
 is all done in search
for
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of
show examples
 likes and validation in the world of social media thereby making them hold their phones the longest. The other thing is gaming, the young community is so obsessed with these new games installed on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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smartphones.
For example
Linking Words
 "
the maze runner
Correct your spelling
The Maze Runner
show examples
", when a child starts playing
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 game they would not want to put the phone down for any reason. They would even forget to eat or sleep, it is actually getting out of hand. In
this
Linking Words
regard
Add a comma
regard,
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i
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I
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 urge all
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
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 to monitor them and install applications that lock
sceen
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screen
 after a certain period
time
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of time
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 to avoid long exposure. In
conclussion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, it goes without dispute that a
lot
Use synonyms
 of children these days spend a
lot
Use synonyms
 of time on their personal phones.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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structure
Pay attention to the structure of your essay. Make sure there is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be developed coherently.
coherence
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly and to ensure the logical flow of your essay.
task response
Focus on answering the question directly and fully. Make sure your position is clear throughout the essay and that your conclusion summarises your main points effectively.
language
Check your essay for spelling and grammatical errors. Also, maintain a formal tone throughout your essay, avoiding slang and informal language.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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