IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some children spend hours every on smartphones. Why is this case? Is it a positive or negative development?

In the modern era, technological advancements, especially
smartphones
Use synonyms
, have become an
intergral
Correct your spelling
integral
 part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our lives. There are numerous reasons why
children
Use synonyms
 spend
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 majority of their lifetime using these high-tech gadgets
such
Linking Words
 as the attractive contents
comprised
Verb problem
apply
show examples
inside them
as well as
Linking Words
 the paucity of parental care towards their kids. From the writer's experience, I think
this
Linking Words
 trend
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to a detrimental impact on their health
also
Linking Words
 social lives. When it comes to the culprit of
this
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young-age related
Add a hyphen
young-age-related
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 addiction, social platforms and gaming
app
Fix the agreement mistake
apps
show examples
 must be mentioned. To explain it
further
Linking Words
, mobile phones in the current years are packed with differential appealing apps
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook,
Tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
show examples
 or Instagram compared to the basic functions equipped in like calling or texting in the
last
Linking Words
 few decades.
As a result
Linking Words
, the sophisticated artificial intelligence applied by the handsets's inventors will allow the users to approach the latest staggering but equally interesting news. With the same token, the
children
Use synonyms
 who seem to have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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intellectual curiosity would certainly be grabbed attention
as well as
Linking Words
 kept hooked for a long period of time. Lacking the indispensible care from parents is
also
Linking Words
 considered as one of the prime causes of
this
Linking Words
phenomenom
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
. Particularly, once nuturers are
stucked
Correct your spelling
stuck
stocked
 with their business and
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 spend enough quality time
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their kids, they
would
Verb problem
apply
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have
tendency
Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
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 to make use of
smartphones
Use synonyms
 as an optimum recreational
facilities
Correct the article-noun agreement
facility
show examples
 offered
their
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to their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 could pose
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 inevitable temptation
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 teenagers which will
arise
Verb problem
create
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 a wide range of negative effects on
themself
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 if they deeply
immerse
Wrong verb form
immersed
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
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 these high-tech devices in the long run. To
examplify
Correct your spelling
exemplify
, a
recenr
Correct your spelling
recent
 survey in the USA reported that a
thunderstock
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thunderstruck
thunder stock
thundershock
 80% of young citizens whose rarely
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
parents take care of them spend at least 5 hours per day in front of mobile screens.
This
Linking Words
 writer believes that
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 can put the users in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health-related predicaments
also
Linking Words
 social
lives
Change the noun form
life
show examples
 malfunctions. First and foremost, leading a sedentary lifestyle and regularly approaching blue light from mobile phones might exacerbate bouts of heart disease symptoms
coupled with
Linking Words
eyes
Change the noun form
eye
show examples
 irritation which ultimately hinder the hostilistic
developement
Correct your spelling
development
. Dwelling on
smartphones
Use synonyms
 in the long run would probably provide
young-aged
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 people with the advantageous chances for making online friends, which equivalently means that
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 friends in person will have the opportunities for deep conversations that create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
also
Linking Words
 issues solving skills. In conclusion, the case
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 on a regular basis spend their time on
smartphones
Use synonyms
 stems from the captivating information wrapped internally
couples
Wrong verb form
coupled
show examples
 with the scarcity of
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 attention from parents, both of which could lead to the mitigation of health evolvement
as well as
Linking Words
 many essential
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 in real life.

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logical structure
Improve the structure of your essay by having clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Make sure each part serves its purpose: introducing the topic, discussing it, and summarizing your points.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure your essay has a consistent flow of ideas. Use transitional phrases to smoothly connect different sections and points within your essay.
supported main points
Support your main points with clear and specific examples. This helps strengthen your arguments and makes your essay more persuasive.
complete response
Ensure that your essay fully addresses the question asked. Your response should discuss both the reasons for the trend and its implications, providing a balanced view.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and expand your ideas to ensure they are fully developed. Providing more details, explanations, and examples will make your points more comprehensive and convincing.
relevant specific examples
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. Relevant and detailed examples illustrate your points effectively and make your essay more engaging.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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