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Band 5

Some people argue that technological inventions, such as mobile phones, are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #inventions #phones
The topic of social interaction with daily evolving technological advancement sparks huge debate in society. Proponents believe that socializing is deteriorating with these new inventions. I completely disagree with the given statement. From my perspective, these new technologies and new innovations are making people's lives so much easier around the world.
To begin
 with, the world is well-connected with easy wi-fi accessibilities available in the market nowadays. Wi-fi is very vital these days and it serves various benefits.
For instance
, browsing the internet to find helpful pieces of information, watching movies and playing virtual games for entertainment purposes.
Moreover
, making hotel bookings and planning great vacations through the booking websites gives the flexibility to manage your trip by yourself without paying any fees to the booking agents.
In addition
 to that, staying in touch with friends and family using social networking platforms
such
 as Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp and many others.
Due to
 that, people are staying connected with each other constantly. Not only that, the internet
also
 helps in managing almost everything related to finance with online banking and mobile applications, which saves a lot of time in terms of travelling to the bank for small tasks.
To sum up
, I believe that these technological inventions play a crucial role and make a meaningful impact on society.
Also
, it is making everyone smart, connected, creative and efficient. For the above reasons, I believe that these inventions are undoubtedly contributing to making a stronger society and keeping everyone socially active.
Submitted by jimipatel707 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Start with an introductory paragraph that clearly states your position on the given topic. Then, organize your body paragraphs around main points, each supported by relevant examples or explanations. Finally, conclude your essay by summarizing your main arguments and restating your viewpoint in a new way.
task achievement
Your task response could be enhanced by directly addressing the prompt more clearly throughout your essay. Make sure each paragraph is focused on asserting and explaining your agreement or disagreement with the statement. Use specific examples to illustrate your points and explain how they support your position. Avoid general statements that do not directly contribute to the argument or task at hand.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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