some people think that children should be encouraged to play outdoor games that require physical activities instead of playing computer games at home. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #games #activities #computer #home

Along with

the

development

of technology, there are various

activities

for

children

arise which leads to the shifting from physical to digital

activities

. Arguments among the public regarding

this

phenomenon are inevitable. Some people think that playing outdoor

games

is better for

children

development

compared to computer

games

, and others think

otherwise

. For some reason, I strongly agree with encouraging

children

to have outdoor

activities

To begin

with, active pastimes provide more benefits for

children

development

, in terms of biological and social

development

, compared to digital

activities

. In terms of biological

development

, doing

such

activities

encourages them to use their body which prevents them from some health problems,

such

as sight problems and scoliosis.

Additionally

, using their hands

while

doing those

activities

can

also

practice their motoric sense.

Thus

, they can sense more of their

surrounding

Fix the agreement mistake

surroundings

show examples

and

able

Add a missing verb

be able

show examples

to appreciate

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

life. In terms of social

development

, outdoor

games

may

also

improve

children

's social skills. It is because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

there are more real interactions among the

children

so they will have more meaningful conversations. It is important since

children

need to improve their linguistic ability and public speaking ability. Another reason is that physical

activities

commonly require playing in groups.

For

this

reason,

children

can

also

practice their leadership and collaboration skills which is crucial for their future. In conclusion, albeit old-fashioned, encouraging young people to play outdoor

games

gives more opportunities for

children

development

compared to digital

games

. The

development

includes biological

development

and social

development

which are essential for their future life.

Submitted by serlyayus on Sun Mar 17 2024

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task achievement

Be sure to directly address the question early in your essay to ensure a thorough response to the task. Specifically linking your argument to the task in your introduction helps to clarify your stance.

task achievement

To enrich your task response, include a wider range of specific examples. These can be from personal experiences, observations, or generalized knowledge, offering concrete evidence to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Maintain a logical sequence throughout your essay, but strive to enhance transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow. Consider using a variety of cohesive devices like synonymy, ellipsis, and transition phrases.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each main point is explicitly supported with relevant examples or explanations. Strengthen your argument by making these connections clearer to the reader.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

253 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some people think that children should be encouraged to play outdoor games that require physical activities instead of playing computer games at home. Do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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You have lost your student identification card. This has created some problems for you. Write a letter to the director of student services. In your letter: – tell them about your situation – explain how this is affecting you – request a new card

Scientists tell us that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people still continue doing unhealthy activities. What are the causes and what are the solutions for this?

The computers are widely used in education and some people think that teachers do not play an important role in the classroom. To what extent do you agree

Eating too much sugar is harmful for our health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your opinion.