IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many governments are investing less in roads and more in public transport systems. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#governments #roads #transport #systems
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There is no denying the fact that the main purpose of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to invest in public
transportation
Use synonyms
 rather than
roads
Use synonyms
 is to reduce pollution.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief the authorities should invest equally
in to
Join the words
into
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 place,there is
also
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 an argument.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand,there are certain advantages to investing in public
transportation
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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less carbon and gas emissions and
fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
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 congestion.
In other words
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,the governments have invested in renewable energy to reduce carbon
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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due to
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 pollution
however
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,there
is
Change the verb form
are
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also
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 huge benefits for the government and individuals vis
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
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 accidents and fewer traffic jams.
In addition
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,investing in public
transportation
Use synonyms
 can bring high revenue for countries through
shipment
Correct article usage
the shipment
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 and delivery of goods and
supply
Fix the agreement mistake
supplies
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 to other cities.
For example
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,
According to
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 a recent study, countries
spend
Correct pronoun usage
that spend
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 money on railways can increase income in many aspects.
On the other hand
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,the
roads
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in safety so,it would be better to pay more attention to avoid accidents and congestion.it is possible to say that most
of advance
Change preposition
advanced
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 countries invested in
roads
Use synonyms
 to preserve the images of the cities in order to attract more tourists.
Moreover
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,many people prefer to use their own cars to get their work because they hate waiting bus.
For instance
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,nowadays people cannot be patient with waiting for
bus
Correct article usage
the bus
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 and metro for
Correct article usage
a
show examples
long time especially old people so investing in
roads
Use synonyms
 can help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
approach their place. In conclusion,there are no easy answers to
this
Linking Words
 question.On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe investing in public
transportation
Use synonyms
 has become significant
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 saving our lives and
planet
Correct article usage
the planet
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 and definitely can enhance government income.
Submitted by ahmad.a07 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by using clearer and more distinct topic sentences for each paragraph. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more efficiently.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the introduction and conclusion of your essay. Ensure the introduction clearly outlines the points you will discuss, and the conclusion succinctly summarises your opinion and the reasoning behind it.
Coherence and Cohesion
To better support your main points, include more specific examples and evidence. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive to the reader.
Task Achievement
Address the task more completely by ensuring that both the advantages and disadvantages of the government's investment choices are discussed in equal measure. Your personal opinion is clear, but ensure you fully explore both sides of the argument.
Task Achievement
Make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive by developing them more fully. Each point you make should be explained in depth, with examples where possible, to fully engage the reader and effectively communicate your viewpoints.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to elaborate on your points. This aids in illustrating your arguments more vividly and can help make your essay more convincing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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