IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is generally acknowledged that families now are not as close as they used to be. What are some possible reasons for this and what can be done to reverse the trend?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It seems a common trend that today’s
families
Use synonyms
 are less close than before. There are some causes behind
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and some solutions needed be taken to tackle the problem. Two factors influence the appearance of
this
Linking Words
 trend. The main reason is young adults are
busying
Replace the word
busy
show examples
with their
work
Use synonyms
 which means they virtually have no
time
Use synonyms
 to keep company with their
families
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, some young
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 all day in their companies and even always
work
Use synonyms
 overtime until midnight， leading to
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 too busy to squeeze
any
Change preposition
in any
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 for visiting their parents.
In addition
Linking Words
, today’s young
people
Use synonyms
 tend to
work
Use synonyms
 and live far away from their home town.
This
Linking Words
 is to say, there is a long
distance
Use synonyms
 between
people
Use synonyms
 and their
families
Use synonyms
. If
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
 plan to go parents’ home, most of them need more than one day by train, so it will take more
time
Use synonyms
 and money than before.
While
Linking Words
 there are some inevitable problems, solutions are needed be taken to improve the situation. Young
people
Use synonyms
 can make good
use
Use synonyms
 of their holidays and utilize some communication
App
Fix the agreement mistake
Apps
show examples
 to
tight
Replace the word
tighten
show examples
 the relationship between their
families
Use synonyms
. Even if heavy
work
Use synonyms
 covers almost all weekdays, young
people
Use synonyms
 can
use
Use synonyms
 their weekends to visit their parents.
For instance
Linking Words
, Chinese
people
Use synonyms
 tend to spend
time
Use synonyms
 together
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the mid-autumn festival, so young
people
Use synonyms
 can
use
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 holiday to communicate with their
families
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, though physical
distance
Use synonyms
 is long, a variety of Apps can help
people
Use synonyms
 narrow psychological
distance
Use synonyms
. Young
people
Use synonyms
 can
use
Use synonyms
wechat
Correct your spelling
WeChat
 to make video calls with their
families
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 young
people
Use synonyms
’s
work
Use synonyms
 pressure and long
distance
Use synonyms
 from home,
families
Use synonyms
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 less close than before, but solutions
such
Linking Words
 as utilizing holidays and communication Apps can be considered to solve the problem.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a more logical structure by ensuring smooth transitions between ideas. Consider using linking words and phrases more effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs seamlessly.
Coherence and cohesion
For a stronger introduction and conclusion, clearly state the topic and your stance in the introduction, then summarize your main points and restate your stance in the conclusion. This clarity will enhance the reader's understanding and retention of your essay's purpose.
Coherence and cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples and evidence. While you provided some examples, further elaboration and more specific details would make your arguments more persuasive and impactful.
Task achievement
To fully address the task, ensure that all parts of the question are answered comprehensively. Expand your discussion on the solutions, providing more varied and detailed suggestions. This will enrich your response and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
Task achievement
Clarify and further develop your ideas to achieve a complete and comprehensive response. Consider each paragraph as an opportunity to explore a single idea in depth, using examples and explanations to fully convey your perspective.
Task achievement
Incorporate more relevant, specific examples to support your points. Personal, historical, or hypothetical examples can greatly enhance your arguments and provide tangible evidence to your claims.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: