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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion?

#people #government #health #care #education #agreement #government’s #responsibility
There are varying views about whether
government
 should
responsible
Add a missing verb
be responsible
show examples
 for
health
care
 and
education
.
While
 some
people
 are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
show examples
 paying for
health
 and
education
, others would argue that it is not the
government’s
 responsibility. On the one hand,
people
 who defend the
government’s
 paying for
health
care
 and
education
 have a number of justifications. The main argument is that
people
 will have equal access to
enjoy
Verb problem
apply
show examples
medical and educational resources if the
government
 can give
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 on these two aspects.
For instance
, all children have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to be educated, but a part of them are too poor to afford tuition, so the
government’s
 financial assistance
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 necessary for them. Another important reason is about social stability and harmony.
In particular
, if most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 can enjoy medical and educational resources, the relationship between the
government
 and the
people
 will
be tighten
Change the verb form
be tightened
show examples
. As an example, the gap between rich
people
 and poor
people
 will be narrowed if the
government
 actively pay for
health
care
 and
education
 and
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
people
’s survival pressure, and
then
people
’s confidence in their
government
 will be enhanced.
On the other hand
, there are some
people
argue
Correct pronoun usage
who argue
show examples
 that it may not
government’s
 responsibility for free
health
care
 and
education
. It can not be ignored that universal
health
care
 means huge pressure on revenue for a
government
.
This
 is to say the
government
 have to undertake more duty
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 operating the organization. And we can imagine, if the
government
 fail to maintain a balance between its income and expenditure, it will face a risk of
fall
Wrong verb form
falling
show examples
.
To conclude
, I approve of
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
show examples
 payment for
health
care
 and
education
, because
people
’s equal
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 will be guaranteed and social stability and harmony will be maintained though the
government
 will face more challenges.
Submitted by 285275402 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay contains a clear thesis statement that reflects your opinion directly and succinctly. This will make your stance on the issue clearer.
task achievement
Consider including more specific examples to support your points. While you gave an overall good explanation, richer details could make your arguments more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Work on transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. Using phrases such as 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', or 'In contrast' can help to signal changes in your argument or to add supporting points.
coherence and cohesion
Review your essay's structure. Ensure that each paragraph sticks to a single main idea and that this idea is immediately clear to the reader. This will improve the logical structure and make your essay more coherent.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental human rights
  • boosts the country's economy
  • productivity
  • public funding
  • equality and accessibility
  • socio-economic status
  • privatized
  • disparities
  • prioritize
  • people's well-being
  • inefficiencies
  • bureaucratic challenges
  • mixed approach
  • optimize
  • quality
  • availability
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