IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

In the fight against crime, police forces and governments are increaseasingly using security cameras in public places. Some people are opposed to this, saying that it invades our privacy

#fight #crime #police #forces #governments #security #cameras #places #people #privacy
Currently, crime among individuals
are
Verb problem
has
show examples
 significantly increased in many countries. The society and police forces are utilising special
cameras
 a lot. Many people dare to demand that
this
against
Add a missing verb
is against
show examples
 their personal rights. I am going to discuss both views with many relevant examples. From one perspective, I think that using special
cameras
 in local
places
 is beneficial for finding the person that
commetital
Correct your spelling
commercial
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 because
great
Change the article
a great
show examples
 deal of people know that criminalism
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 rapidly in well-rounded and
cuttung-edge
Correct your spelling
cutting-edge
 countries.
As a result
, the police and government are
obleged
Correct your spelling
obligated
 to
user
Replace the word
use
show examples
cameras
for solving
Change preposition
to solve
show examples
this
 problem.
Such
 as, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals
stole
Wrong verb form
steal
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
items in a shop, they are
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
on
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
camera.
Therefore
, I believe that utilising a lot of
cameras
 in local areas can be
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 from one angle.
On the other hand
, I regard
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
using security
cameras
 in local
places
 are
effected
Verb problem
affecting
show examples
 their personal rights because criminals can not steal things everywhere. But, in the popular
places
, in the huge supermarkets and other prominent
places
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 crucial for
cameras
 to be fixed
instead
 of setting the
cameras
 everywhere.
For instance
, If you meet with your friends or your relatives secretively, the
cameras
monitore
Correct your spelling
monitored
monitor
yourselves
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
.
As a result
, the police can monitor your
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
.
Moreover
, they may save it into
the computers memory
Change to a genitive case
the computer's memory
the memory of the computer
show examples
. So, I think that using
cameras
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the local areas can
be invading
Wrong verb form
invade
show examples
 our privacy.
To conclude
, I hope that utilising
great
Change the article
a great
show examples
 deal of special
cameras
 can be against our personal rights
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by organizing ideas more clearly and coherently. Begin with an introduction that clearly states your thesis, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on one main idea, and conclude with a summary that reiterates your main points and thesis.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but could be more clearly articulated. Make sure your introduction effectively sets up the essay topic and your viewpoint, and ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and restates your position on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples. While you mention scenarios involving security cameras, providing more in-depth examples or hypothetical situations can help illustrate your points more effectively.
task achievement
To achieve a complete response, ensure that you fully address the task prompt. This includes discussing both sides of the argument comprehensively and presenting a clear opinion. Consider expanding your discussion to include more detailed analysis and examples.
task achievement
Present your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Aim for clarity in your arguments by using simpler, more precise language and by structuring your essay to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Specific examples help clarify and strengthen your points, making them more persuasive and understandable to the reader.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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