IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that tourism promotes the economy while other argue that tourism destroy the environmental. Discuss both views.

#people #tourism #economy
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In the
last
Linking Words
 few years, most
people
Use synonyms
like
Wrong verb form
have liked
show examples
 to travel
other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
,
spend
Correct word choice
and spend
show examples
 more interesting time with family or friends. There are many types of
Add an article
an expedition
show examples
expedition
Fix the agreement mistake
expeditions
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
 the beautiful
nature
Use synonyms
,
rest
Wrong verb form
resting
show examples
 with their children, conversance other
Use synonyms
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
, try to other traditional foods and
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
singers
Change noun form
singers'
singer's
show examples
festival
Fix the agreement mistake
festivals
show examples
. Some developed
Use synonyms
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
 governments have created new tourist
attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
show examples
 for
national
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the national
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 economy.
However
Linking Words
 other
countries
Use synonyms
 have found
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other ways
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 economy. On the one hand, most
countries
Use synonyms
 have developed tourist
attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
show examples
 when governments have given
workplace
Fix the agreement mistake
workplaces
show examples
 to citizens. Individuals can start their own
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 or work
tourism related
Add a hyphen
tourism-related
show examples
 activities in tourist destinations. Citizens can have
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 working conditions and
people
Use synonyms
 can pay taxes
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 find
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of benefits
Linking Words
whereas
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
give
Change the verb form
giving
show examples
 a
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 workplace to citizens,
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 and earn economy,
attract
Wrong verb form
attracting
show examples
 tourists or
to bring
Change the verb form
bringing
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 from other
countries
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other
people
Use synonyms
 think that tourism
destroy
Change the verb form
destroys
show examples
 the
nature
Use synonyms
 and
environmental
Replace the word
environment
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, In Mongolia,
people
Use synonyms
 were
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 and
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 beautiful
nature
Use synonyms
 in
summer
Correct article usage
the summer
show examples
 of the year.
People
Use synonyms
 can take away trash from
Correct article usage
the environmental
show examples
environmental
Replace the word
environment
show examples
 and clean
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their space.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 problem is very hard for
Use synonyms
oceans
Correct article usage
the oceans
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
, all
people
Use synonyms
 can not clean the
oceans
Use synonyms
 and difficult to delete the trash in the
oceans
Use synonyms
. If
oceans
Use synonyms
 and seas are getting dirty, fishes and sea animals die. In conclusion, I think travel is so interesting and so
grateful
Correct word choice
great
show examples
 but sometimes
this
Linking Words
 is
harm
Replace the word
harmful
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the environmental
show examples
environmental
Replace the word
environment
show examples
 and
nature
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 usually go to sea or
oceans
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 they
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of extreme things
such
Linking Words
 as parasailing or boating.
There
Correct pronoun usage
They
show examples
 are always emitting the poison and
then
Linking Words
 it
harm
Change the verb form
harms
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 need to travel without destroying the
environmental
Replace the word
environment
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as conversance other
countries
Use synonyms
 culture, try to other traditional foods.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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Introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position on it. Your introduction should set the stage for your argument, but it was not clear.
Logical Structure
Develop a more structured approach to organizing paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by examples or explanations.
Coherence
Use linking words and transitions more effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This will help your essay flow better and improve clarity.
Task Response
Address the task more directly by discussing both views and then offering your own opinion, ensuring that each point is well-supported with specific examples or explanations.
Conclusion
Work on creating a stronger conclusion that summarises your points clearly and reaffirms your position without introducing new information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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