IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is important to spend money on family celebrations such as weddings and birthdays, while others think this is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is a frequent topic of discussion that some
people
Use synonyms
 think on family celebration is important spend a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
money
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.
However
Linking Words
, other humans say that expensive celebrations are a waste of
money
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, some
people
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 believe that for a family celebration need to spend a
lot
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 of
money
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 so they spend very much
money
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.
For example
Linking Words
, my
grandfather
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 had a
birthday
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last
Linking Words
 year. My
grandfather
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 spent a
lot
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 of
money
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 on his
birthday
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, and a
lot
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 of
people
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 came to his
birthday
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, my
grandfather
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 was very happy because my
grandfather
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 respected him so a
lot
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 of
people
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 came to his
birthday
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. I think
this
Linking Words
birthday
Use synonyms
 was going very well. After my
grandfather
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 said thanks to their friends. My
grandfather
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 is seventy years old. Grandparents were very happy because they were lucky.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
, we like to spend a
lot
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 of
money
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,
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 condition damages your wallet so
people
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 need to spend a little
money
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. You will be spending a little
money
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, you be very fast rich so you need to spend a little
money
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, you need to convene a few birthdays, and you spend a few
money
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. You can be very rich or wealthy. If you do, you need to try. I think you need to calculate every month or year in which you spend full
money
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, and you can be very rich. In conclusion, some
people
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 think they need to spend a
lot
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 of
money
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 on celebration.
However
Linking Words
, they need to spend within the limit.

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structure
Introduction and Conclusion: It's essential to have a clear introduction that presents the topic and your opinion. Your conclusion should summarize your points without introducing new information. Try to make these sections distinct and more structured.
content
Supporting Points: While you provided examples, consider expanding on these by explaining how they directly support your argument. Include more varied and detailed examples for a stronger impact.
language
Coherence and Cohesion: Ensure that your essay flows logically from one paragraph to the next. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to demonstrate relationships between ideas more clearly.
task
Task Response: Fully address all parts of the task. Ensure that you discuss both viewpoints and your opinion clearly. It's important to develop your ideas fully and make your stance comprehensible.
language
General Advice: Focus on refining your grammar and vocabulary. Avoid overly complex sentences if clarity is compromised. Instead, aim for clear and concise expressions. Further, ensure your essay stays on topic and directly addresses the task prompt at all times.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • commemorate
  • festivities
  • bonding experience
  • financial strain
  • budget-friendly
  • sustainable celebrations
  • social dynamics
  • peer pressure
  • materialism
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