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Band 5.5

Anybody can use a mobile phone to answer work and personal calls at any time or 7 days a week. Does this development have more positive or negative effects on both individuals and society?

#anybody #phone #work #time #week #development #effects #individuals #society
To be a member of the modern era where everything is technology-based
hence
, it is proven that mobile phone has a great influence on our lives.
Therefore
, it becomes easy to receive calls on the phone anytime and can be used by each individual easily for personal use and business purposes as well.
According to
 my opinion, it has a dual impact on our lives and community. I will discuss both sides in my essay below. To commence with the positive side, mobile phones are becoming necessities these days because almost all the work is done with the help of
this
 small gadget whether it is personal or for trading. It is the easiest way to connect
people
 all around the world.
Due to
 globalization, international trading is rising daily just because of new science equipment.
One
 can cover long distances with just
one
 click without covering long distances and dealing online by sitting at their own pace. Many
people
 from Asian regions are well known for their textile industries and import of clothes from there by making just
one
 dial.
Moreover
, it
also
 helps boost the economy of the country in many ways big entrepreneur
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 spending heavy amounts and making deals online by just
dialing
Change the spelling
dialling
show examples
 a number from their smartphone.
Secondly
, there are other advantages it helps to reduce fraud in many ways if someone loses his credit card they can easily call their bank and freeze their account without the hassle of rushing to the bank or omitting from here.
Moreover
, there are certain drawbacks
also
, and because of
this
 the range of privacy becomes limited and the level is rising daily. Many
people
 who are on holiday are unable to enjoy themselves
due to
 heavy workload and pressure from their boss who continuously calls them and bothers them by saying that they need to finish the work on time.
Furthermore
, it impacts health in many ways
due to
 high stress
people
 are suffering from high blood pressure which is the leading cause of heart attack.
For instance
, the mortality rate of these
people
 in increased in these few years. In conclusion, it is a fact that
this
 product changes the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of individuals in many aspects and has both good and detrimental
affect
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
 on
one
's life. But here I want to mention it depends on
people
 how they utilize
this
 gadget and get satisfied from its use.
Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on

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task response
Ensure a clear thesis statement in the introduction that directly addresses the question, indicating if the development has more positive or negative effects.
task response
Develop your main points more fully with specific examples and details. This will strengthen your argument and help the reader understand your perspective better.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating clearer connections and transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance the flow of your essay. Use signposting language more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
task response
Be cautious with generalizations and ensure to back them up with concrete examples or evidence. Avoid making broad statements without supporting them.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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