People are having more and more sugar drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

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In
this
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contemporary era, people are aggressively obtaining
the
Correct article usage
apply
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high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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of
sugar
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
which are causing
the
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apply
show examples
health issues. In
this
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essay, I would like to insight my views on
this
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topic and suggest
the
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a
show examples
solution for
this
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mentioned issue. It is true that product with high carbohydrates attracts people easily
due to
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these reasons.
Firstly
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, the advertisements
of
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for
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
are more fascinating which develops the hunger
of
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for
show examples
trying these goods in public.
Consequently
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, it ends up in consuming high
amount
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amounts
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of carbohydrate goods by consumers which results in spending money on unhealthy stuff.
Secondly
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, more sugary
products
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are delicious in taste and cheap as well.
As a result
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, youngsters are more attracted to these
products
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as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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can easily skip their meals.
For instance
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, coke has those ingredients which are rich in fats
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thus
Correct word choice
and thus
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can
full
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fill
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an individual's stomach.
However
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, there should be
an awareness campaigns
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an awareness campaign
awareness campaigns
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generated towards the demerits of having
sugar
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products
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. Consumers should
also
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aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
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about
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of
show examples
the health issues which are
occuring
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occurring
in having rich carbohydrate
products
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.
Moreover
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,
government
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the government
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should
also
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implement a law on manufacturers that they should use
certain
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a certain
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amount of
sugar
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in making
products
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. To
examplify
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exemplify
, In Azerbaijan, there is a fine on manufacturers if they put
sugar
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more than
the
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a
show examples
certain amount in their
products
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.
To conclude
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, it is important to put
an
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apply
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insight
on
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into
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these issues and some mitigation efforts can be implemented by
power houses
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powerhouses
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to oversee future demerits.
Submitted by harmeetkohli31 on

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Task Achievement
To improve in Task Achievement, ensure that your response fully answers all parts of the question. Develop your points more thoroughly with additional examples or explanations. Make sure to directly address the question's parts about the reasons for increased consumption of sugary drinks and specific solutions.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the Coherence and Cohesion by structuring your essay more effectively. Use a clear introductory paragraph that outlines your main points. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and follow logically from one to the next. Connect your ideas with appropriate transitional phrases to improve flow.
Introduction & Conclusion
For a higher score, ensure you have a distinct conclusion that summarizes your points and reiterates your stance. Your introduction and conclusion need to be clear and distinct to frame your essay effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • aggressive marketing
  • health risks
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • dental problems
  • quick energy boosts
  • stress relief
  • imposition
  • affordability
  • healthier alternatives
  • public health campaigns
  • consumer habits
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