IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that the govemment should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe it is the individual's responsibility to protect themselves.' Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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The
Correct your spelling
Some
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 believe that
government
Use synonyms
 should be responsible for crime prevention,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it is the
individal's
Correct your spelling
individual's
responsibility
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 to protect themselves.
This
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 assertion will be analyzed below. Generally, it is the duty
for
Change preposition
of
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 the
government
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 to set a paste for every citizen to follow.
This
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 is done through
laws
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 and legislation. When it concerns
laws
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, many aspects of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 concerned.
For example
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,
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laws
Change preposition
in laws
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 that
concerns
Change the verb form
concern
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 certain crimes like murder, the
government
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 is able to set rules about
Add an article
the penalty
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penalty
Fix the agreement mistake
penalties
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 when it
concern
Change the verb form
concerns
show examples
such
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 cases. People should be able to face the right consequences
ones
Correct your spelling
once
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 they fail, the
laws
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. No one should be above the law. Once
this
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 is enforced. The
society
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 is able to adjust to
such
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 crimes.
Thus
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, the
government
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 is the first in the
society
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 to set rules which must be followed. More so, the
government
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 through its administration should be able to punish administrative heads harder
onces
Correct your spelling
once
 they find themselves
gulity
Correct your spelling
guilty
 in certain cases.
This
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therefore
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strengthen
Correct subject-verb agreement
strengthens
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 that
te
Correct your spelling
the
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government
Use synonyms
 is responsible for crime prevention.
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
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, it is the
responsibility
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Change preposition
of
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for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
government
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 to ensure that all administrative offices, both public and private get the right information as far as the penal code is
Replace the word
concerned
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concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
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.
This
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to
Add a missing verb
is to
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 ensure that everyone in the
society
Use synonyms
 is well informed. In some cases, these
laws
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 are
dissiminated
Correct your spelling
disseminated
 to ensure that everyone from the grassroots
get
Change the verb form
gets
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these information
Change the determiner
this information
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.
In addition
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, it is the
responsibility
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for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
 to sensitize information about the penal code
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all educational
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
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. Once
this
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 is done, a wider range of the
society
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 are able to
assimiliate
Correct your spelling
assimilate
 the
laws
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.
Thus
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, creating more awareness
Change preposition
of
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 handling criminal
laws
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. In summary, it should be noted that
although
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 the
government
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 is responsible for crime prevention, it is the duty of every individual in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
Use synonyms
 to ensure that they take
responsibility
Use synonyms
 to ensure that they respect the
laws
Use synonyms
 and protect themselves from crimes which are punishable.

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Task Achievement
Optimize your introduction by clearly stating the topics to be discussed along with a brief mention of your stance. This sets a concise direction for your essay. In the conclusion, succinctly summarize the key points made and reinforce your opinion for a strong closure.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider using a wider range of linking devices to smoothly transition between ideas, paragraphs, and sections. This improves the flow and the reader’s understanding of your argument.
Task Achievement
While your essay addresses the task, incorporating more specific examples and evidence will strengthen your argument and support your points more effectively. Specific examples make your arguments more convincing and engaging for the reader.
Task Achievement
Ensure the correct spelling of words and proper use of grammar. Minor errors can detract from the overall impression of your essay. Proofreading can help eliminate these mistakes.
Task Achievement
Engage more with the counterargument to provide a balanced discussion. In this case, more emphasis could be placed on the individual's responsibility in protecting themselves against crime. Exploring both sides of the argument more comprehensively will improve the depth of your analysis and the strength of your conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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