Some believe that the govemment should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe it is the individual's responsibility to protect themselves.' Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

The
Correct your spelling
Some
show examples
believe that
government
should be responsible for crime prevention,
while
others believe that it is the
individal's
Correct your spelling
individual's
responsibility
to protect themselves.
This
assertion will be analyzed below. Generally, it is the duty
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
government
to set a paste for every citizen to follow.
This
is done through
laws
and legislation. When it concerns
laws
, many aspects of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
concerned.
For example
,
laws
Change preposition
in laws
show examples
that
concerns
Change the verb form
concern
show examples
certain crimes like murder, the
government
is able to set rules about
Add an article
the penalty
show examples
penalty
Fix the agreement mistake
penalties
show examples
when it
concern
Change the verb form
concerns
show examples
such
cases. People should be able to face the right consequences
ones
Correct your spelling
once
show examples
they fail, the
laws
. No one should be above the law. Once
this
is enforced. The
society
is able to adjust to
such
crimes.
Thus
, the
government
is the first in the
society
to set rules which must be followed. More so, the
government
through its administration should be able to punish administrative heads harder
onces
Correct your spelling
once
they find themselves
gulity
Correct your spelling
guilty
in certain cases.
This
therefore
strengthen
Correct subject-verb agreement
strengthens
show examples
that
te
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
government
is responsible for crime prevention.
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
, it is the
responsibility
Change preposition
of
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
government
to ensure that all administrative offices, both public and private get the right information as far as the penal code is
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
.
This
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
ensure that everyone in the
society
is well informed. In some cases, these
laws
are
dissiminated
Correct your spelling
disseminated
to ensure that everyone from the grassroots
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
these information
Change the determiner
this information
show examples
.
In addition
, it is the
responsibility
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
government
to sensitize information about the penal code
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
all educational
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
. Once
this
is done, a wider range of the
society
are able to
assimiliate
Correct your spelling
assimilate
the
laws
.
Thus
, creating more awareness
Change preposition
of
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
handling criminal
laws
. In summary, it should be noted that
although
the
government
is responsible for crime prevention, it is the duty of every individual in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
to ensure that they take
responsibility
to ensure that they respect the
laws
and protect themselves from crimes which are punishable.
Submitted by roshnijuneja19182 on

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Task Achievement
Optimize your introduction by clearly stating the topics to be discussed along with a brief mention of your stance. This sets a concise direction for your essay. In the conclusion, succinctly summarize the key points made and reinforce your opinion for a strong closure.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider using a wider range of linking devices to smoothly transition between ideas, paragraphs, and sections. This improves the flow and the reader’s understanding of your argument.
Task Achievement
While your essay addresses the task, incorporating more specific examples and evidence will strengthen your argument and support your points more effectively. Specific examples make your arguments more convincing and engaging for the reader.
Task Achievement
Ensure the correct spelling of words and proper use of grammar. Minor errors can detract from the overall impression of your essay. Proofreading can help eliminate these mistakes.
Task Achievement
Engage more with the counterargument to provide a balanced discussion. In this case, more emphasis could be placed on the individual's responsibility in protecting themselves against crime. Exploring both sides of the argument more comprehensively will improve the depth of your analysis and the strength of your conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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