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Band 4.5

People learn more from failure than they learn from success. To what extent do you agee?

#people #failure #success #agee
Some
people
 believe that a
lot
 of
people
 take more advantage
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
failure
Fix the agreement mistake
failures
show examples
 than their
success
Fix the agreement mistake
successes
show examples
,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 argue that
people
 feel interest in
success
story
Fix the agreement mistake
stories
show examples
 which can bring more benefits.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my view,
people
 will learn more
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
failure
Correct article usage
a failure
show examples
story
 than
success
story
. On the one hand, some
people
 argue
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
success
story
 can bring a
lot
 of benefits than
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
failure
story
. Today, a
lot
 of seminars contain spokespersons who tell their
success
story
 not only in academic life but
also
 in business
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. They share
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 good
story
 of their life and persuade other
people
 to be like them.
For instance
, the
influencer
Fix the agreement mistake
influencers
show examples
shares
Correct subject-verb agreement
share
show examples
 their tricks and tips
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to be
success
Replace the word
a successful
show examples
 person who gain a
lot
 of money on social media to young generation, so nowadays teenagers prefer to be
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 or
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
influencer
Fix the agreement mistake
influencers
show examples
 for their future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
On the other hand
, some
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
show examples
 believe human will learn more from their
failure
.
People
 tend to make some mistakes in their activities usually
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the first chance. Our brain prefers to make wrong
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 if we don’t get the information before.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh graduates sometimes break the rules when they are
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
first
Correct pronoun usage
their first
show examples
 day in the office like disorganized
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
orders of their jobs.
Then
, they will learn
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their bad memories because
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 brain will remember the significant
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 made
therefore
 the result
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 the bad result. As
Correct article usage
a consequent
show examples
consequent
Replace the word
consequence
show examples
,
people
 gain a
lot
 of experience from their bad
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 and make
people
 not fall
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the same hole twice which means they will not make a mistake twice in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 condition.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 conclusion,
people
 believe that
success
Correct article usage
a success
show examples
story
 can bring more advantages
while
 others argue that
failure
 can be learnt more by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
. In my opinion,
failure
story
Fix the agreement mistake
stories
show examples
 will be
our
Change the word
the
show examples
 best lesson that
people
 can learn
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
from them.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Task Achievement
Make sure your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that indicates your perspective on the topic. This sets the tone for your essay and makes your position clear from the beginning.
Task Achievement
Develop your paragraphs with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences with examples or evidence, and a concluding sentence that rounds off the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating more effective transitions between paragraphs and sentences to improve the flow of your essay. Words or phrases like 'furthermore', 'however', and 'consequently' can help guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure more to keep the reader engaged and to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures. Using a combination of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your writing more dynamic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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