IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s live. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

#aim #science #people’s
Nowadays, the progress of
science
 is undeniable, so the community expect these developments to make life easy and convenient for them.
Overall
, I completely agree with
this
 view for many reasons the most important is people could have a relaxed and calm activity and be healthier.
Science
 has developed more and more today.
therefore
, the public has expectations that with the progress of
science
 reach their goals quickly and smoothly.
For instance
, students who study
science
-based majors in the university use AI (artificial intelligence) to write their essays or search fast among a lot of information resources. In the past, they had to go to the library or get help from their teachers these needed more time and financial resources.
Consequently
,
science
 could provide an easier activity for the crowd. The other aspect that
science
 could improve people’s lives is a decline in the death rate. In recent centuries,
science
 has effectively contributed to medical treatments. Many new inventions in medical
science
 assist more people's survival.
For example
, in Corona epidemic, an impressive crowd died from Coronavirus and
finally
,
science
 rescued society all over the world with the Coronavirus vaccine.
In addition
,
science
 can prevent people from many diseases with many medical methods
such
 as preventing cancer method by various examinations. All scientific method helps the community to make a better life.
To sum up
, I stand with
this
 view and claim
science
 should improve the community’s lives because using
science
 could make life suitable and uncomplicated.
Moreover
, it could lead to many folks comparing the past and the nation healthier.
Submitted by Behnaz_rashidian on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic well and provides relevant arguments, but ensure clarity and comprehensiveness. You missed some minor details which could have enriched the essay. Also, avoid minor grammatical inaccuracies.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Make sure to connect ideas smoothly to improve the readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good frame to the essay.
task achievement
The essay answers the task effectively by showing the practical implications of science on everyday life and health.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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