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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people around the world use social media everday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #everday #touch #news #events
In today's digital age, there has been a significant increase in the use of social
media
 to stay in
contacct
Correct your spelling
contact
 with others and read events announcements. The writer of
this
 essay argues that the disadvantages of fake
news
 and unreliability in security outweigh the
advantage
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advantages
show examples
 of convenience.
It is clear that
 the
news
 posted on social
media
 is not always true, with a high chance
being
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of being
show examples
 faked. It should be noted that the articles do not go through any fact-checking process.
This
 leads to the presence of
gutter
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the gutter
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 press, creating and posting untruthful
rumors
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rumours
show examples
, gossips which can greatly damage one's reputation.
Consequently
, the readers are either irritated because of the stories, or they believe in the dishonest journalists, resulting in them knowing and spreading misinformation. Another disadvantage of using social
media
 is the security risk of the platform. An attacker can infiltrate an online chat between two
friends
 to get their private information, which can be used to blackmail or be sold to advertisement companies.
In addition
, there
exist
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exists
show examples
 a high risk of being hacked or impersonated online, damaging the owner's reputation and leaving a permanent scar on the Internet.
For instance
, many people reported their online
friends
 spying on their personal
life
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lives
show examples
,
trying
Correct word choice
and trying
show examples
 to take advantage of them.
However
, there is a small group of people claiming that these platforms are more advantageous. They opine that reading
news
 and chatting with
friends
 have been made easier and more convenient.
While
 they may be true in a way, it is evident that reading online articles from government-controlled websites
,
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apply
show examples
 and phoning a friend for a conversation is much more reliable, yet still retain the convenience of using online
service
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services
show examples
.
As a result
, people prefer the more
old-fashion
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old-fashioned
show examples
 style of meeting and reading
news
. Taking all points into account, the convenience of using social
media
 is
outwieghed
Correct your spelling
outweighed
 by the cons of untrue
news
 and unreliabilty.
Therefore
, it should have been shown that social
media
 should not always be used for everyday activities
such
 as reading events and keeping in touch with
friends
.

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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that your essay addresses all aspects of the question. While your discussion on the disadvantages is strong, incorporating more about the advantages would create a more balanced argument. Seek to provide a broader exploration of advantages to fully meet the task requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link your ideas more smoothly. While your essay has a general logical flow, enhancing the connections between paragraphs and sentences will strengthen the overall coherence of your writing. Additionally, ensure your introduction and conclusion succinctly outline and summarize your main points.
Task Achievement
To achieve a higher score in Task Achievement, bolster your essay with a diversity of specific examples and data. While you've offered good examples, integrating diverse and detailed evidence strengthens your argument and demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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