Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinio

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We are living in an extremely competitive world.
This
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society is continuously pushing us, making us
to
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apply
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feel that we must be the best in everything we do and that we must have
rivalry
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a rivalry
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with our colleagues to be better or get more
recognitions
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recognition
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than them.
However
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, in the long run, I don’t think
this
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theory has been
proved
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proven
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true. In
this
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essay, I would like to argue why I believe that the education approach should be reconsidered in our schools, so kids stop competing between themselves and
they
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apply
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are shown
about
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apply
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the importance of cooperation to achieve their goals. It has been widely instilled in our educational system that you have to be always better and if possible, the best. Research shows that more than 80% of the high school student have felt the pressure of having to have better
qualification
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qualifications
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than their peers. Unfortunately, when they haven’t,
this
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have
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has
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had a negative impact
in
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on
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the
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their
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mental health, making them feel they were not enough, or that they were not worthy.
On the other hand
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, it has been observed, that in those educational methods,
such
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as Montessori or Regio Emilia, in which the focus is on
the
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cooperation, there is no
wiliness
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willingness
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for being
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to be
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the best in the class.
Instead
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of that, there is ambition for achieving goals, but always working together as a team and making contributions. In conclusion, the current competitive education systems must be reconsidered.
Although
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, being competitive is not a negative attribute, in my opinion in schools the pupils should be educated to work together and
shown
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show
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the power of teamwork.
Submitted by olatzbaroja on

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General
Consider varying your sentence structure more to demonstrate a wide range of grammatical structures and enhance readability.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your arguments, you might incorporate more concrete data or examples. While general observations are provided, specific, real-world examples could make your case even more persuasive.
Task Achievement
While your essay beautifully maintains a clear position throughout, for further enhancement, reflecting on potential counterarguments could add depth to your analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Well-structured essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion that effectively guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Excellent use of transition words to link ideas smoothly, contributing to the essay's overall coherence.
Task Achievement
Your argument is well-supported with relevant examples and a clear demonstration of understanding the topic.
Task Achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarises your main points and restates your position, providing a satisfying closure to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sense of competition
  • encouraged
  • cooperation
  • useful adults
  • personal growth
  • ambition
  • real-world scenarios
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • winning at all costs
  • teamwork
  • shared goals
  • workplace
  • collaboration
  • communication
  • individual accountability
  • initiative
  • balanced approach
  • overall development
  • personality
  • individual needs
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