Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinio
We are living in an extremely competitive world.
This
society is continuously pushing us, making us to
feel that we must be the best in everything we do and that we must have Change the verb form
apply
rivalry
with our colleagues to be better or get more Add an article
a rivalry
recognitions
than them. Fix the agreement mistake
recognition
However
, in the long run, I don’t think this
theory has been proved
true. In Correct your spelling
proven
this
essay, I would like to argue why I believe that the education approach should be reconsidered in our schools, so kids stop competing between themselves and they
are shown Correct pronoun usage
apply
about
the importance of cooperation to achieve their goals.
It has been widely instilled in our educational system that you have to be always better and if possible, the best. Research shows that more than 80% of the high school student have felt the pressure of having to have better Change preposition
apply
qualification
than their peers. Unfortunately, when they haven’t, Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
this
have
had a negative impact Change the verb form
has
in
Change preposition
on
the
mental health, making them feel they were not enough, or that they were not worthy.
Change the word
their
On the other hand
, it has been observed, that in those educational methods, such
as Montessori or Regio Emilia, in which the focus is on the
cooperation, there is no Correct article usage
apply
wiliness
Correct your spelling
willingness
for being
the best in the class. Change preposition
to be
Instead
of that, there is ambition for achieving goals, but always working together as a team and making contributions.
In conclusion, the current competitive education systems must be reconsidered. Although
, being competitive is not a negative attribute, in my opinion in schools the pupils should be educated to work together and shown
the power of teamwork.Change the form of the verb
show
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General
Consider varying your sentence structure more to demonstrate a wide range of grammatical structures and enhance readability.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your arguments, you might incorporate more concrete data or examples. While general observations are provided, specific, real-world examples could make your case even more persuasive.
Task Achievement
While your essay beautifully maintains a clear position throughout, for further enhancement, reflecting on potential counterarguments could add depth to your analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Well-structured essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion that effectively guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Excellent use of transition words to link ideas smoothly, contributing to the essay's overall coherence.
Task Achievement
Your argument is well-supported with relevant examples and a clear demonstration of understanding the topic.
Task Achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarises your main points and restates your position, providing a satisfying closure to your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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