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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get new events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #touch #events
In today’s digital age, social
media
 has been popularized
due to
 many demanding purposes of the citizens. Despite the writer contending that those virtual platforms have many beneficial factors as keeping contact with other
people
 and accessing news,
while
Correct word choice
apply
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others believe that they bring an adverse factor as communicating resistance in reality.
Considering the
Verb problem
The
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 most advantageous impact of utilizing social
media
 is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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contacting
to
Change preposition
apply
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other
people
 globally. What the writer means is with social
media
,
people
 can talk to who they want to virtually and directly and do not have to wait for several months as letters do.
This
 helps the bond between different communities tighter, even though, how long the geological distance is.
For example
, Facebook, which allows users to follow others, build bridges between
people
.
Hence
, the society connection will be more united. The crucial benefit of social networking brings to
people
 who use it is updating
information
.
In other words
, there is a load of
information
 and they can hardly
approach
Verb problem
access
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 all of
these news
Change the determiner
this news
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 via newspaper or television,
however
, with social
media
, accessing
information
 is no more a challenge for them and even faster than ever. For
instant
Replace the word
instance
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,
instead
 of reading
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
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, social
media
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
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 them know what they want and follow the discussions about
that
Correct determiner usage
those
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 problems directly.
Conversely
, the biggest disadvantage of virtual platforms is the negative effect on
human’s
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human
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 communication skills and social
dynamic
Fix the agreement mistake
dynamics
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. Many individuals advocate that talking to
people
 online too frequently can cause
obstacle
Fix the agreement mistake
obstacles
show examples
 in real daily conversations.
This
 may be true, but
by
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apply
show examples
being aware of its
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 and controlling the amount of time using it will go a long way in advancing the inferiority it brings.
Consequently
,
people
 can handle what social
media
 brings to the users. Taking all points into account, the possibility of reducing communication skills and social
dynamic
Fix the agreement mistake
dynamics
show examples
 is outweighed by the benefits of the ease of keeping contact and accessing
information
.
Thus
, more and more
people
 are appealed by its merit.
Submitted by nguyenkhuyenhcmcs4k11 on

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task achievement
Be clear and concise in your introduction. Try to present a clear thesis statement that outlines what you will discuss.
task achievement
Increase the detail and depth in your examples to better support your main points. This could include more specific real-world instances or data.
coherence and cohesion
Work on a more logical structure and clear progression of ideas throughout your essay. Aim to guide the reader from one point to the next more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that tells the reader what the paragraph will be about.
coherence and cohesion
Incorporate a clear conclusion that reinforces your thesis statement and summarizes your main points. This provides a strong finish to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global community
  • maintain relationships
  • immediate updates
  • self-expression
  • networking opportunities
  • overuse
  • misinformation
  • privacy concerns
  • personal data
  • culture of comparison
  • decreased self-esteem
  • dissatisfaction
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