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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the graph below shows radio and television audiences throught the day in 1992. Wright a report for a university lecture describing the information shown below.

the graph below shows radio and television audiences throught the day in 1992. Wright a report for a university lecture describing the information shown below.
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The line graph illustrates variations in
Use synonyms
popularity
Correct article usage
the popularity
show examples
 of
TV
Use synonyms
 versus
Radio
Use synonyms
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 during winter in 1992 among those
aging
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 4 years old or more in a
24 hour
Add a hyphen
24-hour
show examples
 period. We can see that
TV
Use synonyms
 does enjoy much more
overall
Linking Words
popularity
Use synonyms
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 during evenings and nights, which is why
TV
Use synonyms
audiences
Use synonyms
 surge to 45
percent
Use synonyms
 around 21 o’clock and
reduces
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduce
show examples
 as we get closer to midnight (about 15%).
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
radio
Use synonyms
audiences
Use synonyms
 start listening to it
since
Change preposition
apply
show examples
early in the morning ( 6 am), with a dramatic rise till 8 am when
radio
Use synonyms
audiences
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 peaked at 25
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend is replaced by 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 till 13. At
this
Linking Words
 time of the
day
Add a comma
day,
show examples
 television
audiences
Use synonyms
 overtake that of the
radio
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,
while
Linking Words
 people listening to
Use synonyms
radio
Correct article usage
the radio
show examples
 fall to 10 and 5
percent
Use synonyms
 in 17 and 24, respectively.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 people prefer to listen to the
radio
Use synonyms
 in the morning between 6 to 8 am, when
radio
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 reaches its highest
popularity
Use synonyms
 (25
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the population around 8 o’clock ),
while
Linking Words
TV
Use synonyms
popularity
Use synonyms
 remains steady until 11 am
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when we see a slight rise in
it’s
Replace the word
its
show examples
audiences
Use synonyms
 till 13. Two hours later television
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
 a surge of 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
it’s
Replace the word
its
show examples
audiences
Use synonyms
 till 21.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words popularity, tv, radio, audiences, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "surge" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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