The limited budgets of governments, especially those in developing countries, are better spent on health and education than on employment-generating projects. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
believe governments need to invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
health
Use synonyms
care and better educational
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
in poorer countries, rather than providing more
job
Use synonyms
apportunity
Correct your spelling
opportunities
for the community . The essay might disagree
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
having a
job
Use synonyms
has a significant impact on every aspect of life, particularly on well-being and education.
Provinding
Correct your spelling
Providing
a decent
job
Use synonyms
must be the first priority of every
governments
Change to a singular noun
government
show examples
in order to help
people
Use synonyms
to make a fortune to cover
thier
Correct your spelling
their
finances. When individuals make adequate money, they can
imrove
Correct your spelling
improve
their
health
Use synonyms
by purchasing healthy ingredients and offering
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better
health
Use synonyms
care.
In addition
Linking Words
,
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
would be much more imaginable since
people
Use synonyms
are able to pay the cost of
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, govornment benefits from
job
Use synonyms
schemes as well. jobs strength countries' economy.
For example
Linking Words
, by expanding businesses more external investments are expected and
this
Linking Words
leads to a more
relible
Correct your spelling
reliable
economy.
However
Linking Words
, protecting
people
Use synonyms
from diseases and providing them
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
qualified education are initial
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
of human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
and must be considered by governors. many
people
Use synonyms
have been losing their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
or struggling with
incureable
Correct your spelling
incurable
illnesses because of inefficient
health
Use synonyms
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
and poor government performance.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the lack of trusty teachers and educational centers causes citizens not follow their ambitious.
Although
Linking Words
, the country
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has a great financial state
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
of useful jobs which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
been given to the public, may spend more on
health
Use synonyms
and insurance
as well as
Linking Words
well-equipped schools and universities which are free for locals and everyone enjoys its benefit. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
-care and trustworthy educational system are very important and should be taken serious by gonernors, the increase in promising creers may improve both economy and life quality.
Submitted by m.tavasoli18 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that the essay directly addresses the question posed. Provide a clear stance at the beginning and maintain this perspective throughout, supporting it with specific, relevant examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
To strengthen coherence and cohesion, focus on structuring your essay with clear, logical paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a central idea supported by examples or explanations. Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas within and across paragraphs.
Supported Main Points
To better support your main points, include more detailed examples and evidence. Specific, real-world examples can significantly strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: