IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people around the world use media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events, Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantges?

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Social media plays a vital role for many people around the world. The purpose of using
Use synonyms
network
Add an article
the network
a network
show examples
 is to keep in touch with others and absorb information. From my perspective,
although
Linking Words
 it has many disadvantages, the advantages are outweighed. Since the world has developed significantly, it is understandable why networks
is
Change the verb form
are
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 being used by individuals these days.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, people can use social media to connect with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 easily without having difficulty. Despite a
far
Correct word choice
apply
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distance, the
network
Use synonyms
 helps individuals to call with a camera and
also
Linking Words
 send messages within 2 to 3 seconds.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, it can reduce the risk of going for a
far
Correct word choice
long
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 distance.
For example
Linking Words
, Facebook is currently providing service for 2.4 billion users who can choose to connect and interact with anyone they want, regardless of where they are.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the disadvantages of social media are varied. These sites are becoming more a more dominant and attract large numbers of new users every day.
This
Linking Words
 is the fundamental factor that leads to the toxic environment on the
network
Use synonyms
 where users bypass the rules to discriminate or spam abusive content. Take Vietnam as a prime example, every user tends to blame an individual for doing wrong or using bad words, to be more specific, Vietnam is in the top 5 countries with the worst internet etiquette. In conclusion, the advantage of using a
network
Use synonyms
 for keeping in touch with others is more beneficial as people can call and send messages despite
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
distance.

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task response
Introduce a clearer thesis statement in your introduction. To strengthen your argument, explicitly state if you believe the advantages do or do not outweigh the disadvantages.
task response
Expand on your examples by explaining how they support your argument. Instead of simply stating facts, analyze how these facts contribute to demonstrating the advantages or disadvantages of social media.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay by connecting paragraphs more smoothly. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader from one idea to the next, enhancing the flow of your essay.
task response
Avoid general statements by adding more specific examples and data to support your points. This will make your argument more compelling and grounded in reality.
task response
Review your essay to ensure a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages. Each side should be given equal attention to truly assess whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Interconnected
  • Dissemination
  • Exacerbation
  • Comparison culture
  • Misinformation
  • Erosion of privacy
  • Community engagement
  • Activism
  • Societal change
  • Streamlined
  • Facilitate
  • Exploited
  • Immediate updates
  • Effective communication
  • Personal relationships
  • Traditional news outlets
  • Mental health issues
  • Fake news
  • Social movements
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