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Writing Samples
Band 4

In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There are
a
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apply
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meaningful
messages
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 that have
given
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been given
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
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 in several cultures, one of them is
children
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 should be shown their
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 side in order to achieve their dreams. In
this
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 essay, I will explain
about
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apply
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the benefits and the drawbacks
by
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of
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 giving
this
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message
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 to
the
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apply
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children
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. First and foremost, there
is
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are
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 a lot of advantages that
children
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 can own by understanding the
message
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. People always
said
Wrong verb form
say
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 that if we can get things
are
Verb problem
done
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 quickly, we will
loose
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lose
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 in the same way. It means, that actually,
children
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 should
be
Verb problem
find it
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 harder to get some achievement in their
life
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lives
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.
Likewise
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, being a
success
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successful
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 person is not born, it forms naturally
by
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through
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 a good habit
in
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apply
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daily.
For example
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,
the
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business man
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businessman
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 that
become
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becomes
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 wealthier now,
they
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apply
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started
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start
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 the low stage
with
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in
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the
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a
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 simple way like building a business concept or spreading their
relation
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relationship
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 with other
enterpreneur
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entrepreneur
entrepreneurs
. From
this
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message
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,
children
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 can easily understand how to survive in
the
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apply
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real life, one day when they
becomes
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become
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 adults. Regarding the benefits are really abundant, there is no rule out of
possibility
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the possibility
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 of
this
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message
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have
Wrong verb form
having
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 some disadvantages
such
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 as
make
Wrong verb form
making
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children
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 more
underpressure
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under pressure
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 to enjoy their life and they
also
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feels
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
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like
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apply
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an
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apply
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introvert
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introverted
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 person that just learning
everyday
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every day
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 without socializing only to keep
in
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apply
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track
with
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of
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 their dream. It might
be
Verb problem
have
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 a negative impact
of
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on
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 the
message
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, even if
its
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it's
it is
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 disseminated by the parents in primary education.
For instance
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, some kids
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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usually spend most
their
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of their
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 time
to play
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playing
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 with their friends, but if they
received
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receive
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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messages
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, they might
be only focus
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be only focused
be only focusing
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 on
run
Wrong verb form
running
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 out of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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achievement
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achievements
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 despite
of
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apply
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socializing time and it
follows
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apply
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effect
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affects
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of
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apply
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their mental health in balancing between learning and playing.
To conclude
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, no matter how many
the
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advantages and
the
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disadvantages
that
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the
messages
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 could give to the
children
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, there
is
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are
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 always some pros and cons when adults try to influence
children
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 through their ups and downs. It depends on how
children
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 receive the
messages
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 in good ways with good accompaniment.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure your introduction sets a clear tone and scope for the essay. Consider rephrasing for a smoother flow and clearer presentation of your thesis statement.
Logical Structure
Create a more logical structure by clearly dividing your essay into paragraphs, each dealing with a specific point. This will enhance the reader’s understanding.
Supported Main Points
Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. This will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
Complete Response
To fully meet the task requirements, make sure your response comprehensively covers all aspects of the topic. Expand on both advantages and disadvantages equally.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Clarify your ideas by elaborating on them with more specific examples or experiences. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Relevant & Specific Examples
Incorporate more relevant examples to illustrate your points. Try to use specific instances from real life, literature, or studies to make your essay more engaging and authoritative.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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